Recovery and Tea

9. My experience with mental disorders.

It's not impossible to manage a mental disorder, but it's really hard to deal with if you don't know how.

Last year I was at school and just couldn't function. I was having anxiety/panic attacks every day. experiencing hallucinations, I couldn't focus, I was failing half of my classes, and always running to the social worker's office. 

So I was sent to a mental hospital. 

My experience there wasn't all that great. I used words that I didn't realize were used in diagnosis and they thought I was exaggerating. I guess in using those words I was, but I didn't realize it. Because of this, I wasn't really given the right medication. But it's not their fault. They only had me for two weeks.

The staff was nice for the most part. The people there were nice to me and the food was great. The beds were kinda comfy but the blankets were like towels. I wasn't doing very well, though. I cried a lot and still had suicidal thoughts. They were thinking about sending me to a long term place, but I quickly put on a smile and decided to at least fake improvement until I did improve.

After my stay there I started seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I like my them a lot, as they are genuinely concerned for my health and listen to me when I needed someone to talk to. And my psychiatrist put me on the right medicine.  Not all therapists are like this, but once you find the right one, you should be fine. 

A few times I confessed intense suicidal thoughts and almost got sent back to a mental hospital twice. The second time was because I had stopped taking my medication. There is a drastic difference between me on and off the medication, but once I'm on it, I can manage it a lot better.

My official diagnosis is somewhere on the bipolar spectrum. They're not really sure which one I have. With that comes with my anxiety problems and psychosis stuff. It's not fun at all, but my medicine reduces it a lot. And I haven't really experienced any side effects either. 

I've become a big advocate of mental health awareness since the whole mental hospital thing. I want to help out as much as possible with people my age. Recently, I've been going to a support group of sorts. It's helped me out loads and I encourage trying one out. Everyone is very supportive and they don't judge you for your problems. A lot of people have problems similar to mine too. 

I've used several coping mechanisms such as journaling, reading positive things, listening to positive music, and playing piano. They really do help, but it's not easy. You have to work a lot at it. You can't just expect things to get better on their on, and there are times when I feel like it's not worth it. But it is. And one day I'll be helping out with some kind of therapy thing one day. Maybe after I graduate.