Epilogue: Start of the real story

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 Three hundred days later…

“I am missing her more and more…”

“You deserve this, Ares. For making me cry… ”

I almost threw my phone as I read Maria Mercedes Samson’s text message. I texted her and asked how’s the New York bar exams because the three hundred days I have spend without Bathseeba in my life feels like the life I will have if I die and go to hell instead of heaven. Bathseeba is my heaven. At habang wala pa siya sa tabi ko – impyerno pa rin ang buhay ko.

Gusto kong isipin na maramot si Cedes. How can she decide on a thing like this? She very well knows how much I love Bathseeba but still she managed to come up with this. Tuso. Iyon siya para sa akin.

But when I think about it – when reality hits me in the face – I realized that Mercedes is right. I really deserve to be treated like this. To be left alone for a long time. Iyong tipong nangangapa ako at kinakabahan kung anong mangyayari because I have pushed away the only woman I had ever loved. Parang tanga lang. I pushed her away and yet here I am waiting for her – it’s been three hundred days. Alam ko. I mark my calendar every day of my fucking life. Para akong preso na nagbibilang ng araw hanggang sa paglaya ko.

I miss her. I spent all my days following her. That last time I went to her house – I went there to install cctv cameras. Hindi naman kasi ako papayag na sa loob ng isang taon – hindi ko makikita si Bathseeba pero minalas lang dahil kinabukasan ay umalis siya ng bahay. Hindi ko pa rin siya makikita pero alam ko naman kung nasaan siya. I’ve installed a tracking device on her phone. Nasa Bataan ngayon si Bathseeba – iyon na lang ang tangi kong relief.

I turned my phone off and left my room. Pagbaba ko ng hagdan ay nakita ko si Hera na nagkakape. She was looking outside the window. Her eyes were swollen again. Nitong mga nakaraang araw ay napapansin ko na palagi na lang siyang umiiyak/ Nagsimula iyon mula nang makabalik siya galing ng Ilocos. Tinatanong ko naman siya kung bakit pero hindi siya nagsasalita/ Ngumingiti lang siya tapos ay siismangot pagkatapos ay pipingutin ang tainga ko.

She was weird though.

“Hey.” I called her. Tumingin siya sa direksyon ko. I smiled.

“Missing Bathseeba too?” I asked her. Umiling siya.

“I’m just thinking of…” She trailed off. “ Quitting work.” Kasabay noon ay napansin kong napahawak siya sa ibabang parte ng kanyang tyan. Then she sighed. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.

“Why? Have you out powered Yto already?” Biro ko sa kanya. Hera shook her head.

“I just wanted to…” She paused again. “Have a silent life… Alone. And away from everyone else. Was thinking of migrating? Maybe in London or in the U.S. just you know… just away.” Her hand did a circular move above her abdomen. Again she sighed. Para bang may dinadala siya. Para bang hirap na hirap siya. Nilapitan ko si Hera tapos ay wala sa loob na niyakap ko siya. I miss her. I miss her arrogant side. Nitong nakaraan ay nawawala na kasi iyon.

“Snap out of it, Adriana.” I whispered to her ear.  I kissed her cheeks and left the house. Sumakay ako sa kotse ko. Aalis ako. Sisilipin ko ang babaeng mahal ko. Hindi naman siguro iyon masama. Matagal ko nang ginagawa iyon. 

It’s just a moment – two, three, four minutes. I’ll stand meters away from her. Makikita ko siyang ngingiti, tatawa tapos gagalaw. I’ll savor the moment, then, I’ll leave. Kahit paano ay nawawala ang pagngungulila ko sa kanya. Pagkatapos noon ay ayos na ako. Pero sa oras na maramdaman kong muli ang kahugkangan, babalik ako. I don’t care if it’s a four hour drive. I just wanted to see her to cure my longing. Bathseeba completes me, kahit na malayo siya at hindi ko nalalapitan, she completes me. She still has the same effect, she still has that aftermath.

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