LOVE TO HATE YOU

MARIAH CAREY WOULD BE ENVIOUS...

"You didn't have sex?"

"We didn't have sex." I repeated.

"You didn't have sex?"

"We didn't have sex."

"You didn't have sex?" JJ was repeating the line like a broken record, emphasizing different words each time as if that might change my answer somehow.

"Jesus, JJ. Get over it. For the tenth time, we didn't have sex." I smacked him on the arm playfully. He was still wide-eyed with shock.

"So you painted a room topless, and you didn't have sex?"

"Exactly." I said innocently.

JJ eyed me suspiciously, "I hope you're not keeping secrets from me."

I laughed. "Oh please. I couldn't keep a secret from you if I tried."

It was already 5pm in the afternoon by the time I'd been able to relate last nights events to the JJ. I'd woken up at 1:00 that afternoon, my body obviously knew that this was the first day of my entire adult life that I found myself unemployed, and it was making the most of it. I'd then had a leisurely coffee downstairs by the tree, and now I was flipping through décor magazines with JJ while we came up with ideas for next door while relaying the nights events to him.

"So what do you think of this?" JJ asked holding up the magazine.

"I'm not so sure a Mercedes Sports Car would look good in the middle of the restaurant." I said looking at the magazine.

"No. Not for the restaurant. For me?"

"You?"

"I think I would look good driving it around." He said looking at the shiny silver thing.

"You have a perfectly good Audi already." I said going back to the décor magazines.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe you could have it and I would get a new car."

I snapped my head up. "Me? No. You can't give me your car."

"Why? You need a car, and it's time for my midlife crisis, so I might as well buy myself a sports car now."

I shook my head. "I could never accept that. Ever."

JJ put the magazine down on the floor and looked at me curiously. "Sera, why won't you let anyone help you?"

"Help is a few bucks for petrol, not a car. And I do let you guys help me, in fact," I hung my head, "I think I let you help me way too much and I really need to start paying rent around here."

"Stop it!" JJ held up his hand. "That's ridiculous. You're our family. We're not going to charge you rent."

"JJ, I can't accept a car from you!" I said firmly and looked back down at the magazines, "You guys have been far too generous over the years and I have no idea how I will ever be able to pay that back."

"Jesus!" I heard JJ snap angrily and looked up, "You really—"

A loud beeping on my phone cut him off. It was a message from Ben.

Sera,

I will pick you up at exactly 6:45 pm. Dress very formal.

XX

"Shit." I read the message out loud and looked over at JJ. The 'dress very formal' line had me spinning. Luckily I lived with a drag queen who came with the most extensive and expensive closet, imaginable. Mariah Carey would be envious of the selection.

JJ shook his head, seeming a little angry that our previous conversation was over. He then looked down at his watch, "Well, there's no time to waste I guess." He stood up and marched me through to his bedroom. He sat cross- legged on the bed while I rummaged through the closet. I passed the blue sequin dress—the dress that had started this whole crazy thing—and blushed at the thought of sweaty backseat liaisons. Before I could get lost in reverie, JJ interrupted.

"That!" JJ said, jumping up and pointing at a long gold and black dress. It was strapless, tight and really, really formal. The whole thing was black, with an actual gold metal belt around the waist and some heavy looking gold beading on the bottom. It was beautiful. It was the kind of thing one might wear to the Oscars—Didn't I see Beyonce wearing something like this?

"Seriously? Isn't it a bit OTT?" I said, turning it around to discover that it didn't have anything mildly resembling a back.

"There's no such thing as too over the top, babe." JJ took it from me and held it up against my body. "Yes, this will do very well. Mr. Sex Bomb won't know what hit him." JJ lowered the gown and peered at me. "You really didn't have sex?" he asked again. Then he winked playfully at me. "Okay, let's get you into this. But she's tight, we may have to grease you down."

An hour and a half later I was ready. JJ had insisted on doing my hair and make-up again, and this time he was much more subtle. My hair was simply blow-dried and straightened. My eyes were very subtly bronzed to match the dress. Then he added some eyeliner, bronzer on my cheeks and some red lipstick. "Every girl should own a great red lipstick," he said—JJ said this every time he put on lipstick. He was also fond of quoting Coco Chanel, who had once very dramatically said, "A woman without a fragrance is a woman without a future."

After my Pretty Woman reveal to Bruce and some excited squealing we waited in the lounge for the knock. My nerves were completely on edge. By the time I heard the knock on the door, my heart was positively trying to escape my chest—quite a painful feeling when my chest was squeezed so damn tightly into that dress. I opened the door only to have my breath violently ripped away from me.

Ben was wearing a tuxedo a la James Bond, and he looked amazing. Although the blood flow to my lower body had been cut off, I was glad I was wearing the dress, because clearly we were headed somewhere very formal.

"You look amazing," Ben said, eyeing me with a look that made me feel like I wasn't wearing a damn thing.

"I was thinking the exact same thing," I said, sounding a bit coy.

"You should," he said with a teasing smile. You really do."

I smiled back. "No. You look amazing,"

He winked at me and walked into the room to address JJ and Bruce.

"I'll have her home at 12:00 on the dot," he said, giving them a small wave.

Although he was teasing, the whole thing did feel like prom night. JJ and Bruce were clinging onto each other like proud papas. It was both amusing, somewhat touching and mildly disturbing all at the same time, since I knew my "dad's" were secretly rooting for me to have sex with him.

"You can keep her for as long as you like," JJ said with a naughty smile—definitely not something a dad would say.

Bruce was not so liberal. "Just treat her like gold," he said, "Or I'll kill you." He flashed Ben a warning smile.

Ben turned and looked at me, making me melt. "Don't worry," he said. "I will." Then he offered me his arm, smiled at Bruce and led me out.

As we opened the door, I heard a last teasing, "Our baby is growing up," before went into the hall.

"I just want to get something from next-door quickly," Ben said, leading me towards his place.

"Sure." At this stage the guy could take me anywhere and I would probably follow him like a puppy.

Ben took out his key, unlocked the door and led me inside. When I looked up, I was overcome with dizzy excitement, and I heard a loud gasp escape my throat.