Finding Myself

Chapter 3 - From Friends to Strangers

“What?” He retaliated, dumbfounded at what I just said. “I’m having a baby brother” I told him again, slowly, as if he was retarded. “I know that you idiot, I meant how could you try to kill yourself when another life now depends on you?” He told me, anger floating through his clear eyes. 

“What do you mean?” I asked him confused. “Your brother, even though you don’t know about him, or at all, one day, he’s going to be alive, thinking about how his big sister left him to suffer through that on his own. He’s going to need someone, and your parents are not going to be of any help.” 

I analyzed what he just told me and realized it was true. How could I be so selfish? I was just not thinking. Dallas scoffed and turned away, at an angry pace. I jumped to my feet and tried to go after him, but he turned around and glared at me with such intensity that I staggered back a few steps. 

“Don’t. Just don’t. Right now, I can’t even look at you, you repulse me” Dallas said and turned around again, making my heart break in little pieces, pieces so small, not even super glue could fix it. I sat down on the bench again, and took off my heels, since their powerful feel wouldn’t match with the decayed state I was in right now. 

I looked back at the school, and remembered that I still had 5 classes to go, and decided to damn that to hell and skip the rest of class. I took the heels I had on with my hands and took my bag, that was still hanging by my side, and walked all the way to the park, barefoot. 

I sat down on another bench and looked at some naïve little kids playing away their worries. I remember when Isabel and Carlo, otherwise known as my parents, would take me here and actually make some time for their daughter, when they wouldn’t drink, or hit me. When bullying at school would only go as far as stealing a crayon or a pull of the hair.

I looked at them and smiled at their innocence. One that wasn’t tainted or lost. I got up and went to the area where they were and greeted them. My heart swelled inside of me when both the girl and the boy smiled brightly back at me. “Hey miss, would you like to play with us?” The little boy asked me, and I looked at him well, at his straight, midnight black hair, and his electric blue eyes and his little body, and I couldn’t help but wish that my brother would be like this boy when he is a bit more grown up. 

I looked to my side, were their nanny was looking back at me with an analyzing gaze, as if trying to decrypt if I was safe or not for them. I threw her a questioning gaze, silently asking her if I could play with the kids, and seemingly satisfied with me, she nodded at me. I turned to the boy again, who was observing me with his small face tilted to a side, waiting for my answer. “Sure” I answered him back. 

We played for hours, and I forgot about every single problem that was going on at that moment with my life. There was a point where the energy of both the little kids just won’t go any further, and I was glad because even my energy wouldn’t last much longer. 

We sat in the ground, while Nicole and Gregory munched on their lunch. We talked idly for a while. “You are very pretty Isa, why would you be so sad?” Nicole asked me. curiosity burning in the spheres of her eyes. 

“I am not sad, what makes you think that?” I lied to her, not wanting her to know I was sad. “Because you weren’t smiling at all when you sat down in the bench, you were frowning” She told me, pure childish innocence ringing in her voice, loud and clear. 

“I just had some problems in school, but I think I’m fine now thanks to you guys” I told them, yet again lying, making guilt rise up my throat. “Kids! We have to go!” Their nanny shouts, making the kids get up and clean the space we used super fast. I frowned for a second, knowing I would probably never see them again.