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Confessing It All.. (My Life)

Dedicated to


 When I was young I was always goofy and cheerful. It was very hard for me to get sad or angry. I was always eager to have fun and enjoy life... I was a average grade student through Preschool through 2nd. I have ADHD and back then I was too young to know how to control it... I always got into trouble by blurting things out when I wasn't supposed to. I got easily distracted from doing my work which brought a lot of my grades down but luckily I still passed.

In 3rd grade I was learning how to control my hyperness. I got in trouble less often and my grades improved... I thought 3rd grade was going great... Until one unfortunate night...

I was 9 back then. My mom had several health problems. Her smoking didn't help her heart or lungs which were already in bad condition. I was too young to understand the pain she was going through and always wanted her to play with me. My nana and papa lived with me too but they were too old to play what I wanted to do. My mom, even though she was in pain she still played with me all the time. Now I know how much pain I must have caused her....

That night before the tragedy occurred my mom was doing fine. She actually looked like she was doing better and she was in a happy mood. I slept with her every night in her bed. 

The next morning the alarm clock rang which signaled for me and my mom to get up so I could get ready for school. My mom usually got up before the alarm clock rang so I figured she must be deep in sleep. I thought that if I let her sleep I could get out of going to school but I knew nana would come in the bedroom to see why we weren't up anyway. 

I tried to wake her up but my efforts failed. I didn't think it was anything serious because I was too young to understand. My nana finally came in and I told her the issue. She clearly was concerned and we tried to wake her up but we had no success. My nana went in the living room to get papa so until then I was alone with her. My mind was racing when papa and nana came in. 

Papa tried his best but to no avail. By then I was convinced something was wrong. And nana confirmed my worries when she said she would call 911. 

The time we waited felt like forever and I knew the longer we waited the worst the result would be..

When they got here... They automatically announced her dead... As you can imagine all three of us were devastated... We cried for hours on end... And I still haven't gotten over it... I can remember it like it only happened a few days ago... I remember the worry in nana's and papa's voice and I remember my own worries that were forming in my mind... 

I stayed out of school a few days to try and get over the sudden unexpected death... I expected her to live a whole lot longer then she did.. My nana and papa were older and more experienced so they might have expected her to pass on more sooner then I did.. But none of us expected it to be that soon...

Of course just a few days wasn't enough to get over it.. It's almost impossible to get over the loss of a family member... No matter how much you expected it to happen...

The news of my mom's death spread around the school like a wild fire. All the teacher's were talking about how sorry they were for my family. I honestly didn't want to be reminded of it... But I appreciated their concern.

That left me at home with just nana and papa... I knew that they were both elderly and in bad health so I knew it wouldn't be too long before they passed... But every night... As I slept with the two of them.... The same worry as been through my mind....

When they both die... What will I do...? There will be nobody else to take care of me... I will be too young to take care of myself... 

I tried my best to get that thought out of my mind but... It just stuck there... Like it was literally glued to my mind....

Papa, like me is always goofy and makes jokes despite the pain he was going through. Nana is more of the serious type and doesn't laugh often. Me and papa spent most of our time together thinking up jokes to tell nana to hopefully make her laugh.

Papa had Alzheimer's disease. Back then I didn't really understand the severity of his disease. All I knew is that he would slowly forget more and more things until he wouldn't remember anything... That was one thing

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