am i alive?

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Am I alive?

Am I alive?

Or have I fallen,

Never to get up again?

My heart finally broken

My load more than it could bear

And now I see myself,

Made up pretty like a doll

That looks so unlike me

Laid out nice and neat

And I can hardly believe

That it is me

Where are the circles beneath my eyes?

The look of frightened desolation

Is hidden beneath my lids

I destroyed the lives of all I love

I turned everything I touched to dust

 

Now finally,

Those whose lives I’ve marred

Can forget all the shit that I have done

And move on

I only hope one day

They will find it in their hearts to say

They forgive me

 

I see a dozen roses

laid before my lifeless body

they couldn’t even get

my favourite flower right

what will be said about me

now that I am gone?

Nothing good can be said

About someone who never did any good

 

Now I am fallen

Gone for good and ever

All my fuck-ups

Are forgiven

All my debts are paid

I commend my body to the deep

Send my soul to heaven or hell

Forgive me my trespasses

As I have forgiven others

Protect the ones I left behind

And all the ones I love

 

For mow I’m gone and far away

Dead and buried forevermore

My heart is broken

But my load has been lifted

Lay me down to rest

In eternal sleep

Lay me down to rest

That my soul the lord may keep

 

I don’t know how to stop this burning

That’s spreading through my veins

I slip into a coma

Almost like a prayerful reverie

A trance that fuels

My dying brain

Answers my questions

Until only one remains

A question asked

Shouted through my brain

Until it’s sound

Is the only thing I’ve ever

Known

Over and over and

Over again:

Am I alive?

Am I alive?

Am I alive?

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