Letting Go

After

'I'll wait here, okay?'

'Okay Eric.' I replied, releasing your hand and taking measured steps to the grave.

I knelt down slowly,

my knuckles white from clenching my fists so hard.

I took a deep breath and reached my hand into my front coat pocket to retrieve the red rose tucked safely in it.

Placing a light kiss on it's vibrant petals, I carefully placed it in the snow next to the gravestone which read,

James Everett.

'When you first said that sometimes we have to endure the hardships of winter to truly appreciate the beauty of spring, I didn't undestand you. Hell, I didn't want to accept that there was a reason that my best friend was dying. Why would I?

Everytime I think of your death I just get filled with yearning for what could've been.

We're never going to go to prom together,

Or see each other graduate.

You're never going to hold me whilst I cry through my first break-up,

Or be a groomsman at my wedding.

You're never even going to hold your first godchild.

And it hurts. It hurts James, that all these things were promises that you made...and you broke them. I thought promises were forever, but I guess they aren't. And honestly, I don't blame you. I used to think that it was all your fault but I knew all along at the back of my mind that it wasn't your fault; you had no control over what happened.

Now I just need to grow up. I'm not some fairytale princess who can make a wish and watch you come back to life. You're dead, and there's nothing I can do to bring you back.

It hurts but I need to accept it. This pain, it's not going to go away. I thought maybe 30 days was all it would take but I'm wrong. This is real life, and grief doesn't have some kind of calendar that it follows. You're constantly on my mind but it's something I have to learn to live with.

But now, now I have to let you go James. I know it's not going to happen that easily but hopefully, hopefully saying it out loud will make me just a little closer.

I love you James. That's something that's never going to change. Just leave me a space up in Heaven, okay?'

I slowly rose onto my feet, casting one last glance at James' grave.

Just as I was walking towards Eric,

a flash of pink caught my eye.

I looked up into the treetops to see one single delicate flower sitting wilted among the bare branches.

Maybe it was a sign from James.

Maybe he was trying to tell me that winter had finally ended;

Now it was time for spring.

Yes, it wasn't perfect, but so is life.

All I knew is that I was one step closer to Summer.

~~

A/N OMG GUYS! IT'S THE END!!!!!!! (continues to cry all over her keyboard). I can't believe I actually finished this. Thanks so much for all the support that you guys have given me. I honestly appreciate every single vote and comment I have received. You guys are all awesome sauce.

I know, I know the ending isnt all fluffy unicorns, and rainbows but that's life. I love you all.

Stay beautiful xxx