Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Thirty Six

The next morning, I woke up on Luke's couch around 8:00 AM. I knew I was going to spend the night there, because I didn't want to be alone, but I wanted to try and get up early. The only time I sleep in later than 8:00 is when Brooke is with me, but today I needed to get up on time. After Luke had helped me out last night, and gave me a boost of confidence, I was happy to wake up this morning. Luke was still asleep when I was hopping off the couch and heading to the bathroom to check myself in the mirror, but I figured he would be able to tell where I had gone when he wakes up too.

I can't put this off any longer. I can't keep waiting for things to get worse when I can just make them better in the blink of an eye. I love Brooke so much; I can't imagine myself loving anyone else. And if I tell her, maybe it will make this awkwardness and uneasiness go away. I feel like something is wrong among all of us (me, my friends, my girlfriend), and maybe this will fix it all. I just need to tell her, and say "Brooke Anderson, I am in love with you."

I spent a good 10 minutes in Luke's bathroom fixing my messy hair and the wrinkles on my t-shirt, because I needed to look the least bit presentable for this. I just need to tell her, get it over with, and learn to be able to say it. It's been so long since I established my true feelings for her, and I want her to know. I want her to know that no matter what I'm always going to think she is the most amazing and beautiful person I have ever met in my life.

But as I quietly closed Luke's front door behind me to head out to my car, I thought it all over. There are so many possibilities to this situation: she could say what I want her to say, and say that she loves me too. She could smile that perfect smile of hers, and say that she just loves me right back. Everything could be great again between us, and we can freely say that we love each other whenever we want. But, what if it doesn't work out? What if I go over there, so that I love her, but she doesn't say it back? What if she says...

"Fuck." I said suddenly, sitting back in the driver's seat of my car. I stared out the front window and I really thought about it. What if she says the complete opposite? What is she says that she.. she...

No. I thought to myself. Brooke can't hate you.

That's right, she can't hate me. I can't just back out of this, because I'm afraid of something totally ridiculous. She needs to know; Brooke needs to know how much I love her. And I'm going to say it, right there, outside her house, I'm going to say it. I need to stop being such a coward all the time. I want things to get better, I really do. And when I think about that, I think about what Michael and Luke have both said to me recently. Luke helped me last night. He was nice enough to help me figure out what I needed to say and do in order to fix all of this. He told me that I need to tell her how I really feel, which makes perfect sense to me. If I say that I love her, we can go back to how we used to be.

But then...what about Michael? He's been my best friend for 5 years. I think if anyone knows me better than Brooke, it's Michael. He's always been there for me no matter what, but right now it seemed completely different. Not once has he ever told me to tell Brooke that I love her, it's been the opposite. He keeps telling me, all the time, that I need to break up with her. Why is that? Why does he not trust her, or think that she's shady or a...a whore? It's stupid, really. And I don't mean to use that word against my best friend, but it's true. Why can't he just see that I'm happy? Why can't he be like Luke, and help me be happy?

I pushed those conflicting thoughts out of my mind for now, because I needed to focus on what was important. As I drove along the road to get to Brooke's house, I thought over what I was going to say. I have it all planned out: I'm gonna go up there, ring the doorbell, and when she answers I'm just gonna say it. I don't know how I'm gonna be able to physically say it, but I need to do this. I don't want Brooke to be the first one to say "I'm in love you". I want to be. I feel like I just need to assure her of how I've felt for ages, and I need to prove to myself that I can do this.