Take Two

1║Going It Alone

O N E; 

Some days it's easier to get out of bed, the sun is shining and for the first twenty minutes of the day I can pretend that everything is alright. Today was not one of those days.

My head was pounding when I walked into my bathroom, my hand running along the wall as I looked for the light switch. I flicked it on when I found it, wincing once the light illuminated the room; my reaction was partly because of how much the light hurt my eyes and partly because of the face looking back at me in the mirror.

I ran a hand through my knotted hair, praying that the ripping sounds that I heard didn't permanently damage my hair. My brown hair fell flat against the side of my face when I was done removing all of the knots, leaving me to deal with the rest of my face. The purple bags under my eyes seem to be getting darker and darker as each day passed, even when I put concealer on they still made an appearance.

My mum poked her head through the bathroom door just as I finished throwing my hair up into a messy bun, she seemed hesitant to speak- which was normal with anyone around me nowadays.

I met her eyes in the mirror and raised my eyebrows expectantly; I waited for her to say whatever she had to say. Mum sighed and ran a hand across her forehead before she said, "you're going to be late."

I hit the 'on' button on my phone and quickly checked the time, "I have another ten minutes."

She shook her head, her hair covering her eyes before she tucked it behind her ears. I took a moment to study her face as she collected her thoughts. In the past couple of months I had seen multiple new wrinkles appear on her face, making her look nearly ten years older. Her blue eyes, which I had inherited from her, seemed to have changed to a dull gray colour.

"You need to eat." She finally spoke, emphasizing her words. It was obvious that she wouldn't let me walk out of this house without some sort of food in my body.

But I sure as hell was going to try anyways. "I'm not hungry."

"Zoe."

"Mum."

"Don't do this to me, not now. It's your first day of school without-" she stopped herself short. Her eyes dropped to the floor, refusing to meet my glare.

"Without Mark? You think I don't know that?"

She ran her hand across her forehead again and for a split second I felt almost sympathetic. Almost.

"I'm going to go to school now." I squeezed by her and out into the hallway, trying not to notice the pained expression on her face as I did so. I knew that she had already lost one child and she didn't want to lose the other, but I couldn't help but feeling that she had already lost us both.

║

I nervously tapped my fingers on the steering wheel of the old beat up black Toyota that I was driving, watching as students walked towards the front doors. Some ran up to each other; the boys high fiving and the girls hugging, they all acted like they hadn't seen each other in years.

I leaned back in my seat, my nervous fingers moving from my steering wheel to the straps of my backpack- I picked at a loose thread as I worked up the nerve to get out of my car.

Then I saw what I had been waiting for. I held my breath as I saw my former best friend walk towards the school. Elli had barely changed since I last saw her nearly two months ago, at Mark's funeral. She had cut her hair shoulder length but that didn't surprise me since she changed her hair drastically twice every year, saying that it symbolized her ever changing personality as she so eloquently told me on multiple occasions.