The Bro Code No No: Falling In Love With Your Best Friend
I watch him dreamily as he wipes his forehead from all the sweat from practice. I don't care if he's all sweaty and tired; he looks like an angel to me as I stare at him from the bleachers. Once again I'm hit by the force of my feelings as one of the cheerleaders, Katie; I think runs up to him and places a big sloppy one kiss on his lips. Almost instantly my eyes brighten, as he pushes himself off her and wipes his lips furiously. I see him yell something at Katie before he runs into the boys' locker room.
I grab my backpack and follow him inside where he's seated at the bench scrubbing his lips and grumbling. "Hey," I call out distracting him from his lip rubbing. "Oh hey," he responds glum. "What's wrong, I thought practice went well," I ask him clearly confused as I sit down next to him on the bench. I can smell the sweat but with that I can smell his sweet raspberry and vanilla scent emanating from him, blocking the sweat smell. "Katie kissed me," he says as he takes his shirt off. Just like all the other times, I'm speechless as he stands in front of me, chest clearly visible. His toned chest might I add with his six pack, any guy would turn gay for him. But of course that can't happen, since I'm already gay.
Gosh it's such a bummer having a friend that's straight whom you're sexually attracted to and he's one of the popular boys in this school. I'm once again off into lala land where he and I are boyfriends and we're all lovey dovey. I admit that is gay to think about but hey I'm gay. And it would suck if he found out that I liked him. It would suck if he found out I was gay.
So once more, I'm left here in the shadows trying to hide my growing feelings for him as he gets changed right in front of my eyes. He's so beautiful. A strong part of me yearns to be with him, to experience him and his caring, loving self and not just as a friend but as a lover. But of course I'm once again too much into my fantasy world and knowing that I'm not ever gonna be his lover hurts.
Caught in my daydream, I didn't realize that all the football players had piled into the locker room, messing around, changing, and taking showers. I blushed as I saw a completely nude guy. You must think I might be used to seeing naked guys now but I'm not. Every time I do see someone completely naked, that bright color of red paints itself on my cheek warming my entire body up and filling it with embarrassment.
I look away, looking for Mason. Where is he? I think as my roam the locker room filled with boys and not finding him anywhere. I start to panic thinking of all the possible, well maybe not, reasons that he's currently not in the locker room. I head into the shower room and gasp as I see him approach from one of the showers, dripping wet with only a small, thin towel wrapped low around his waist. I watch his hip bones move as he walks up to me. "Hey," he says drying off his hair as he puts on his boxers underneath his towel. Damn, why didn't he take that towel off before putting on his boxers? I would've loved to see him although I'm pretty sure if I did I would've looked like a gasping, drooling idiot.
He smiles at me, the smile that I love so much, that I adore so much. I wish he didn't smile like that at girls, I wish he would smile at me with love and adoration like I smile at him. "So you ready to leave," he asks me dressed in a pair of jeans that hang low on his delicious hips and a white polo t-shirt. His hair is still slightly wet and messy but it looks good on him.
As we both walk out of the locker room, I catch a glimpse of someone staring at me. I stare back at the boy. He was staring at me profoundly and then at Mason. Come to think of it, I've never seen him before. He has brown hair that cut nice and clean with a skinny frame standing at 5'11. I watch him disappear from my view scrunching my eyebrows. Who was he? And why was he staring at us?
"So your house or mine," Mason says interrupting my thinking. Distracted I reply "your house." We both pile into his Ferrari, did I mention he's stinking rich. Yeah well he is. On the way there he blasts some Eminem and I'm glad there's music on so I don't have to talk with him that much. The more days that pass, the more I find myself falling in love with him and it gets harder to act like there's nothing wrong, like I don't love him. I just wanna be free about my orientation to the world. Only my mom and grandma know I'm gay and they're proud of whom I am. They don't care that their son/grandson prefers guys over girls. They're my only family, the only people whom I can be open about anything to. I wish so badly to tell Mason that I'm gay and possibly in love with him but every time I try to, I end up chickening out and talking about something completely different.
I'm gonna decide today that this week, I'm finally gonna tell him about my feelings for him and hope that he understands and feels the same way. I have hope but somewhere in the back of my mind is the nagging fear that's telling me that he's straight and will never, ever love me.
Well a guy could try? Right!?
Should I continue!?