What we want doesn't mean we always Get...

Hi my Lovelies. It's my first time ever posting on Wattpad so I want you to let me know how it is. Also, on other sites I've had people steal my stories, but here on Wattpad, we're all Wattpadians, so hopefully that won't happen any more :D In this I will most likely swear, and may or may not have some intimate scenes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED @mgrace41 Thankyou for every thing  

Enjoy and comment please xx

---- CHAPTER 1 ----

You see, when I thought about suicide it never occurred to me to use a rope or a knife or a gun. I had always pictured water. Not a shower or a bath; the beach actually. My last thoughts and images would be of my own. The soft sand grinding inbetween my toes, the harsh waves crashing onto the land, even the distant cries of the sea birds flying around in the sky. I pictured myself standing on the edge of the water, then slowly walking out, taking it all in. Then, walking and walking and walking. Until the water was over my head and I would attach those bricks to my legs and go. But what we want, doesn't mean we always get.

---- 2 weeks earlier ----

It was just another day. Another Monday, another day for me to get ridiculed, stomped on and abused. I didn't care about the physical abuse much, although I probably should. It's the mental and verbal abuse that gets to me every time. It's like there squishing my heart and throwing it in the trash. I like to tell myself that I don't care, and what there saying isn't true. But after five years, you start to believe it. Not that you want to, trust me. I try hard to make sure they don't get to me, but they do. They always do.

The bell just rang meaning it was the start of homeroom. I shut my locker door, grabbed my books and headed for class. It was all going great, I thought maybe because it was the start of a new term, everyone had forgotten about me. Which, to tell you the truth, would have been perfect. But no. Oh, hell no. They were waiting for me behind the wall. They jumped out in front of me causing me to jump. " Where do you think your going ? Huh?" " To homeroom." I muttered. " Look now, little goody two shoes is heading for class. Why you gonna answer a question?" he asked "Get out of my way Jake" I said, pushing through him. But something grabbed my arm and tugged me backward. I looked up to see Josh standing there with his dull blue eyes and blonde hair. It was tousled of course. What else would the caption of the cricket team look like? "What do you want now?" I asked glaring at him. Then I felt a stinging sensation spreading across my face. "Tut tut tut! Now hopefully that will teach you for answering back to me." And with that, he and his 'possy', turned and walked away.

I walked to the bathroom only to see a big, red handprint across my face. "Hmm. Not to bad this time. He must be losing his touch." I smirked. The second bell rang so I decided I would just skip homeroom and go straight to English. My favourite subject. It was the only good thing about the day. When I got in there, I took my usual seat up the back and got to.