But You Didn't (completed)

Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Those incidents were not the first, not the last or not the only things I ever did to you. The thing was they weren't ever on purpose, by accident or to be avoided either. They just happened. I sometimes feel it was a horribly cruel twist of fate but when I think about it, really it wasn't. I'm not a Buddhist, no religion really - not anymore. But I can't help coming to the conclusion that it was karma. A cruel twisted revenge for all the things I did. But why? That's all I want to know.

The know-it-all I call my sister tells me I feel like this because I'm "In Denial". Denial, such a frivolous word. The word you would use to describe failing a test, misplacing a bag. Not when half of your heart is off in Vietnam with your love fighting in senseless, hideous warfare and has been shattered into a million tiny pieces. No, it's not denial, it's something far worse than that.

I spent hours sitting, waiting, contemplating by the door anticipating your arrival back to me. I had made up so many different greetings for you when you returned to me. After a while I simply decided I would jump into your arms and hold you for eternity.

I would tell you how much I loved you, I realise that now. How I never meant to take you for granted, I was young and stupid and I thought that the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship would never end... I was wrong, as per usual. You left me to join the army and fight in Vietnam, to bring honour and pride to your nation, you had said. But what pride is to be found in dying alone with nobody? The most potent sort of pride, I believe.

When the small yellow letter arrived in through the post box I feared the worst. At first I pushed the thought away, forcing myself to believe that it was only that you had run out of your own white notepaper and had to borrow someone else's, maybe you were even writing to ask me to send you more. It was when I saw the United States Army stamp that I allowed the fear to seep back in. I had no other possible outcomes left in my head.

I opened it without hurry, not wanting to face the contents. I waited for it to say that you had gotten some leave and would be back to me, you received some medal or acknowledgement of bravery, being moved post, anything else that what I knew it would say.

Just before I opened it I said a silent prayer that even if the letter didn't say it would be soon, you would eventually come home to me.

But you didn't.

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And now we reach the end of the short story:( I hate the end of the poem because it's soo sad but i love it because it's an amazing piece of writing... O_O

Thank you to all the people who stuck with me throughout the story and also a thank you to readers who will see it now that it's finished<3 Love to you all!

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Thanks, Kate x