I woke up to my face smashed into my pillow. I lift my head up and see mascara stains all over my pillow. Once again. Crying myself to sleep. And for several reasons. 1.) Ray lied to me| 2.) He kissed his ex| 3.) He still loves her, and who knows he might love her more than me| 4.) We're officially not together anymore| And 5.) I'm still in love with him.
I looked at the clock and it was 11AM. I looked around and saw everybody still sleep. Unusual. I checked my phone and saw 10 text messages from Rayan. Yup. I changed his contact from 'My baby' to 'Rayan'. I didn't bother to check them. I just got up and walked to the bathroom. I looked at my face. My hair was all over the place. Dry tears and mascara under my eyes and on my cheeks. My eyes still red and bags under them. Lord. I hated seeing myself like this over a guy. I hated it so much. But who wouldn't cry over Ray? ...................
Exactly. I hopped in the shower and cleaned myself up. I did my hygene routine. I threw on some yoga pants and a hoodie. I didn't feel like blow drying my hair, so I just left wet in a messy bun. Didn't feel like putting on my contacts, so I just put on my prescriptions, for like the first time in a couple years. I always had my contacts on. But anyways. I walked downstairs and saw mom laying across the couch. She had on a sports bra and some leggings. Her hair in a messy bun and her black band around her arm. She looked tired. She probably just got done taking a jog.
Me: Hey Mom..
Nicki: Hey Yn..Lookin good..
Me: That's not funny.
Nicki: I know. That was corny. I'm sorry.
Me: -looks down- yeah..
Nicki: They told me, you and Ray got into a bad argument.
Me: Why'd they do that?
Nicki: Because when all y'all go to bed. I always come out for my midnight shows, but they was all in the livingroom, looking tired. I asked them what happened and they said you kept them up with your crying. Then they HAD to tell me then..
Me: -teary eyed- Oh..no wonder they're still in bed.
I was getting all emotional again..
Nicki: You guys are over, aren't you?
Me: -crying- Yeah..
Nicki: awh, come here, baby.
Tears were running down my face quickly. Tear after tear. I walked over to my mom and layed next to her, on her chest. I felt like a baby again. I was just sobbing quietly.
Nicki: You deffinately do not deserve to be in this shape right now. You're such a beautiful, sweet, and wonderful young woman. My gorgeous model. Don't let a boy bring you down like this. You're way better than that!
I was actually so happy to hear this from my Mom. I was still crying.
Nicki: Sit up..
I sat up and brought my legs up to my chest, facing her. She sat up in front of me, wiping my tears away.
Nicki: Stop, all that crying now.
Me: I'm sorry..
Nicki: Don't be sorry..just stop. Watching you ball your eyes out, is about to make me cry. I don't want to cry, because I barely cried in front of you. And if I do cry, you're going to cry even harder. -chuckles/wiping her tears-
Me: -laughs- Okay. I think I'm okay now.
Nicki: You sure, babygirl?
Nicki: Mkay. -kisses forehead- I love you, okay?
Me: I love you too.
Me: -looks at door-
Nicki: -looks at her- I'll get it..
My mom walked to the door and answered it. Her face expression turned from neutral to surprised.
My mom just stood at the door, with her hand over herm outh and eyes wide open. I started to get worried.
Me: Mom, whats wrong?
I rolled over about to put my arm around Yn's waist, but then my arm landed to an empty space. I started patting all around and felt emptiness. Yn never leaves me in bed by myself. I do it to her all the time, but she never did it to me. I touched myself an realized my shirt wasn't off. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. She never lets me go to bed with my shirt on. She said she loves sleeping on my bare chest. What the hell is going on, yo?
I opened my eyes and sat up to an unfamiliar place. A place called..home. Not Yn's house. Then it all came back to me. We broke up yesterday. I layed back down and put my hand behind my head. I miss being with her already.
I got up and walked downstairs, and heard people talking. I came downstairs to my Mom, Dad and Camille.