At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Twenty-Three] Mari

Chapter Twenty-Three – Mari

I left his house and went straight home to scrub my skin until it felt like it would rip off. I can’t remember the last time I felt this disgusted with myself since I was used to it by now.

I hate doing this, it made me sick to think of all the men I had been with and it makes me sick to think about what I just did but years of experience had me learning quick to keep my mouth shut.

I knew how things were, he paid and I did whatever he wanted. I was sore and it was painful but at least we would have a house, Lalexia could keep in gym and dance and we had food to eat. That was what mattered, that I could support us, my feelings didn’t matter.

I got out and got ready to go get Lex and she did her homework and I cooked. She kept asking to play but for once that face didn’t bother me as I put on a movie for us to watch. I guess you can add terrible mom to the list of things I am.

I should be encouraging her to go outside and play but here I was keeping her in front of the TV with me. I got her ready for bed and I went to sleep in mine which ended with me laying awake into the early hours of the next morning before I finally fell asleep and I started the normal routine over again but this time I didn’t go to his house.

My phone ran with texts and calls from him wondering where the fuck I was at but I really didn’t feel like answering them or going anywhere, maybe Marla was right, I should take some time off. Marla picked her up from school and brought her to her class while I cleaned the house and cooked dinner.

I wish I could just escape from it sometimes, It was so hard being a single mom and there were days when it definitely took a toll on me and this was one of them.

Marla brought her home and I faked a smile through dinner and then put Lex to bed early since she was so tired from class.

“What’s wrong?” she asked me and I shrugged.

“I’m fine.” I told her as I picked up dinner

“You’re not fine Mari what happened?” she asked me and I shrugged

“I broke another rule.” I admitted to her and she looked at me curiously

“I hope not the baby one.” She looked ready to scold me and what made me crack a smile as I shook my head.

“No, I’m not pregnant.” I told her and she sighed in relief

“Good. Well what else is there to, oh.” She said finally getting it

“Yup.”

“You started developing feelings for one of them.” she said and I groaned now that It was out there and I nodded

“Yeah but it doesn’t matter, he’s back to treating me like the whore that I am.” I told her and the words felt terrible in my mouth as I said them.

“Don’t do that to yourself Mari” she turned my face to look at her

“It’s the truth Marla, we can sugar coat it but it’s the truth.”

“I know but you will be out soon, you’re in class, you have your GED you’re going places and this life isn’t all that you’re about.”

“Ugh, I want a drink.” I put my head on the table and she rubbed my back

“No you don’t, it will only make things worse.” She had to say because it was true

“You’re my only other family Marla.” I hugged her and she ran her hands through my hair