Into the Spotlight

Pulling open my desk drawer, I looked down at the folded piece of paper. This paper contained the last wish of my brother. It amazed me how one piece of paper could contain so much power over me. My stomach clenched as I lifted it out of the drawer. Taking a deep breath, I opened it and looked at the list.

Michael’s College Bucket List

1. Skydive

2. Conquer a fear

3. Pull a prank

4. Get a tattoo

5. Keg stand

6. Participate in the college talent show

7. Kiss a random stranger

8. Form a flash mob and perform

9. Stay awake for 36 hours

10. Run a triathlon

I looked at my brother’s Bucket List in horror. Oh god. Tattoo? Kiss a random person? My stomach now felt like it was going to reject dinner. I had never done any of these things before.

“Delaney!” I yelled. “Look at this list!”

Delaney grabbed the paper and started laughing almost instantly. “This is an awesome list Kenzie!”

I started banging my head on the wall. “I’m so screwed. How the hell will I skydive? Or be in a talent show? I’m terrified of heights and I have no talent!”

“It’s not that bad. This is going to make the year go by a lot quicker. Plus, I think it will be good to get you out of your comfort zone.” She took a quick look at my pale face and added,” If it’s too hard Kenzie, you can always do it next year. He never said when it had to be done. Take your time.”

“I know. I just…I just…” I stuttered. Closing my eyes I remembered the way Michael looked as he asked me to complete his list. He looked so sad, so defeated. God. My big brother was gone. He could never complete his list. He could never have a future, only a past.

Delaney hugged me from behind. “It’s going to be okay Kenzie. Take it one day at a time. And if that gets too hard, one hour at a time.” She stepped back. “Think of this as a journey. A journey your brother wanted you to take. It might help you find peace with his death. Do not think I haven’t noticed you not sleeping every night.”

“I don’t know what you mean?” I asked, trying to give her a smile but failing miserably. Ever since Michael’s death I’ve had a strong case of insomnia. I could only sleep for a few hours before waking up. Every time I closed my eyes I would see him lying in the casket at his funeral. His face was blank. Emotionless. So unlike his personality when he was alive.

“Well besides the fact that I hear you watching TV at three am, the circles under your eyes are a huge give away.”

“Thanks.” I answered dryly, starting to feel uncomfortable. I really did not want to talk about my insomnia right now.

“Good thing I have a great concealer. I’ll leave it on your desk. Okay enough depressing thoughts. You looked at the list. That’s a huge step for you. Lets think happy. We are juniors in college! We are hot! And we are going to have an awesome year!” She declared as she clapped her hands after each exclamation.

“Agreed roomie.” I gave her a genuine smile this time.

“Well I have to take off. I am suppose to meet Tammy and Amanda in five. You’re going to the Phi Delt party right?”

“Yup I should be heading out to meet up with Claire and Aspen pretty soon.” I glanced at my roommate and was appreciative that she never pushed me to talk about Michael’s death. She always seemed to know when to back off.

“Ok I’ll text you if I end up there. We can do a shot together! Or maybe a keg stand.” She winked and headed for the door.

“See ya roomie.” I shouted back.

I looked in the mirror and studied my reflection. I saw a girl with dark wavy hair, a red strapless top, dark blue skinny jeans and black wedges. I added a couple bracelets to accessorize and hoped this was appropriate. At least with the wedges I would have a greater chance of not falling.

I met up with Claire and Aspen and we walked to the off-campus house where the party was being held. As soon as the door opened, we were blasted with music and the smell of stale beer and sweat. Ah, the life of a collegestudent, I thought to myself.

“Lets get something to drink!” Aspen shouted in me ear. I nodded and started to follow her through the crowd. There were so many people it was hard to even see where I was going. I latched onto her hand and pushed my way through trying not to step on anyone’s feet or spill their drink. As we reached the keg in the kitchen I noticed a couple good looking guys surrounding it.