Chapter 28 - Letting Go

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Dear Diary,

“I will always protect you Esme, I promise.” And then almost incoherently he whispered, “I never forgot you.”

Releasing me from his grip Carlisle stood up, holding his hand out for me to take; I looked up at him quizzically.

“Don’t worry Esme, I just want to take you somewhere.” He smiled at me, and I knew that  if my heart were still beating it would most certainly have jumped a mile.

“Where?” I asked, slightly anxious.

“Do you trust me?’” he asked with the innocence of a child. “It’s a surprise,” he added quickly, maybe seeing the look of confusion on my face. I was scared, and I knew that Carlisle would never force me to go with him, but I also knew that I needed to take a risk and believe in someone. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that if I didn’t go, I would regret it for the
rest of my life. That maybe, something special would come of this.

Hesitantly I reached up to take Carlisle’s hand. A jolt of electricity surged through me as our skin connected. His whole face lit up like the sun.

“Thank you Esme,” he said staring into my eyes, “I know you
will like this.” And with that he held my hand tighter and shouted “Let’s run!”

The wind felt amazing in my hair and on my face. I felt alive for the first time in a long time, but most of all I felt free. I tried to remember the last time I had felt so carefree and full of hope.

And with a twinge of sadness, I thought about Jonathon and the plans we had made together.
I remembered the purity and honesty of our relationship and I winced with pain when I remembered the gift from Jonathon I had lost. I hadn’t thought of Robert for a while, but the pain reared its ugly head and I began to slow my running. I knew I needed to say goodbye to my past before I could truly move forward and be happy. Carlisle sensed I had stopped and he was by my side in a moment.

“Esme what’s wrong?” His face was full of worry and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

I looked into his eyes with as much honesty as I could and simply said, “I was just thinking of my past.”

His eyes burned into mine and very softly he asked me if I wanted to go back. Yes, I wanted to go back to my life with Jonathon and Robert, yes I wished nothing had changed, but it had and now I had a choice to make. I could hold on to my past and dream of what may have been, or I could choose to let go of my past and build new memories. I certainly would never forget
Jonathon or my precious Robert, but I needed to feel alive inside again, I needed to allow myself to feel again.

I suddenly felt an enormous load lift from my body, and I knew in that moment, with absolute certainty, that after today I would never be the same person again. I looked back at Carlisle and said simply, “No, I don’t ever want to go back. It’s time for me to move forward and live my life now.”

He smiled at me then, and said, “I don’t ever want you to feel you have to do something because I ask you to. All I want is for you to be happy.”

I knew then in that moment I could never be happy without Carlisle in my life somehow. Holding out my hand this time I looked at Carlisle.

“Shall we go?” I asked, a hint of mischievousness in my voice. I liked Carlisle, a lot; I really enjoyed spending time with him while Edward was away.

“Of course.” He smiled back at me, grabbing my hand and pulling me back into a run.

Carlisle came to an abrupt halt beside me. Causing me to run straight past him, my arm almost being pulled out of its socket.

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