Searching For The Light

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I jerked awake. I looked around and saw that I wasn't on the worn out yellow couch in the nurses' room. There was a bright light right above me that made it hard to see properly.

It looked like I was in May Bridge's operating studio. I knew this was it, as I'd been in here plenty of times before.

Pushing myself up on my elbows, I tried to get off the bed, but there were needles all over my body. I pulled at them to try and get them off, only to feel excruciating pain. The pain made me want to throw up.

Looking around for something that could help, I realized that my vision was incredibly blurry. I couldn't see anything.

I stumbled off the bed and landed in a heap on the floor. There was blood gushing out of all the spots on my body where there were previously needles attached.

Shakily standing up, I looked down to see that I was wearing a hospital gown. I also saw that blood splatters were covering most of the gown.

I looked back at the operating table to see a motionless, figure. To see that particular person laying on the table, not moving, not breathing, shook me to the core.

It would've been natural to have gasped, but I couldn't speak. Everything was suffocating. I felt as if I were drowning, but there was no water, just a pit of disbelief.

Slamming open the operating studio doors, I ran for the exit. As I ran down the stairs, I looked around to see that I was on the floor with all the patient rooms.

I was bent over now, with my hands on my knees, breathing real hard.

Glancing around, I saw what seemed to be a shadow of myself walking around from room to room, wearing my work uniform, smiling at all the kids and teenagers in hospital gowns.

That's what we were meant to do, smile at them, give them hope. But there was rarely ever any actual hope.

Feeling someone pulling at my hospital gown, I looked down to see Becca.

The Becca, who had lost her battle and passed away over eight months ago. That same little girl was standing right there in front of me, clutching my leg, smiling that dimpled smile that everyone adored.

"Jerry! I missed you! But I'm mad at you too," she said, as that beautiful smile morphed into a heartbreaking frown, "You said everything would be okay. Everything isn't okay, Jerry. I saw Mommy and Daddy yesterday. They brought Mike here because he broke his tooth. I tried hugging Mommy, but I couldn't touch her. She couldn't see me. And Daddy didn't hear me when I told him I loved him. He didn't say it back, Jerry. Why did you lie to me?"

She was crying now. Her little hands tightened around my leg, as she sobbed against it.

Before I could even digest the fact that Becca was actually talking to me, her hold on my leg loosened as she faded away. I wanted to hug and tell her I was sorry, but she was already gone.

I looked around and saw that all the patients had disappeared. At the end of the hallway, there was a woman wearing a pinstripe suit. She had her platinum blonde hair up in a tight bun, and she was wearing very distinctive pearls - pearls I had seen before.

Her small lips curled into a frown, as she pointed her finger at me and started screaming, "Jared Lincoln! You lied to me! How dare you lie to me?! I hope you know that I hate you. We all hate you. You're better off dead!"

Hearing her say that felt as if someone had pushed a knife through my heart. I couldn't breathe, my throat felt locked up.

As I anxiously looked around for something, someone to help me, a shadowy figure of a man appeared near Becca's old room. His already irritated expression turned into one of disgust as he sneered, "You deserve nothing but death. Liars are not worthy of life."

His words, just like hers, felt like a physical blow. I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't deal with them.

I fell to my knees as my hands wrapped around my throat. My nails scratched against the skin of my neck as I tried to breathe.

The scratching only made it worse. My throat only seemed to get tighter.

My eyes widen as I heard a loud screeching sound. The same sound that was made when Krishnan and Finn used to race down the hallways in their wheelchairs. It was hard to forget a sound I heard so often.

Using my hands to push my body sideways, I turned my head towards the sound. I saw what seemed like patients on wheelchairs making their way towards me, all coming at me really fast.

As I used all my strength to stand up, and run for the elevator at the end of the hall, I could hear them all screaming.

"Die Jared! You should die!"

"You promised, Jerry. You broke your promise! I hate you, Jerry. I hate you! I hate you!"

"Why didn't you just tell me I'd die? You said I'd live. You knew, but you kept it from me. You lied!"

"You don't know how it feels to be lied to! Couldn't you just trust me? I trusted you."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I wanted to tell them, but if I stopped, they'd run me over.

As I reached the end of the hallway, I anxiously looked around, but the elevator seemed to have disappeared.

"No, no, no, no, no," I chanted as I looked back and saw the wheelchairs getting closer.

I gave up looking for the elevator and ran around the corner. I stumbled on my own feet and fell to the ground. I could feel tears starting to prick my eyes as I heard the screeching of the wheelchairs get louder and louder.

Pushing my body up against the wall, I tried to sink in, to blend in and not exist. Then, I shut my eyes and put my hands on my ears and whispered, "Not real, it's not real. It's not real, it's not real."

* *

I felt water slashing on my face as I gasped.

My eyes fluttered open to see Max standing in front of me. He was holding a glass of water and making a weird face.

He raised an eyebrow and said, "Dude, what the hell, you're 25, not 5. I'd say you've surpassed the age to have night terrors. Get your shit together, you've got to give Mira her meds."

Then he gathered his things and left the nurses' room. He was going home. All his shifts were shorter than mine. But, his salary was also less than mine, so I wasn't complaining.

I'd say it was embarrassing to have Max watch me having a nightmare, but it wasn't. All I'm worried about is whether or not he's going to tell anyone, and since I know he isn't going to, so it doesn't really matter that he saw.

I glanced at my watch. It read '6:34 PM'. I was supposed to give Mira her meds at 6:30 AM.

I got off the 3-seater couch and headed to the bathroom. I washed the sweat and tears off my face and put on a new uniform.

I looked at myself in the mirror and whispered, "I'm not Jared Lincoln, I'm Nurse Jared."

Then I went back into nurses' room, grabbed my phone, turned off the lights, and left for Mira's room.