There's A Reason - A Larry Stylinson Love Story

Chapter 11 - I Think I'll Call It A Journal

It was the last day of our mini-vacation. The last two weeks had been amazing and filled with days of swimming, cooking, playing games, and watching random movies.

I’d spent all the time I could with Louis and had even gone through the awkward conversation of figuring out what we were going to say to the public about our “relationship”. He was surprised when I brought it up, so Simon didn’t tell him anything.

Why did Simon think I was the only one that needed to be reminded to act in love? It really wasn’t fair that Louis could do what he wanted and I was being lectured. I didn’t complain, though, because it meant more time alone with my Boobear.

Liam was making all of us pack this morning, which was an absolutely horrible idea. If he wanted us to organize our things he should’ve told us every day, because I got the feeling we’d lost half of what we’d brought. Of course, Zayn was all tidy and ready to go in under an hour, but the rest of us were still looking for our belongings around the house.

I don’t know why, but Louis seemed somewhat desperate to find his things. He told us that all he’d lost were his only pair of socks, two pairs of TOMs, a striped shirt, and some sunglasses. What was so important about that? Snapping out of my thoughts, I continued lifting up the couch cushions just to make sure nothing was stuck underneath.

Louis darted into the room I was currently searching, his eyes frantic. “Have you seen a little book anywhere? It’s white with blue stripes like the shirt I wear in the summer outfit during our concerts?”

“No I haven’t, sorry Boo. Why, is it important? Is that what you’ve been looking for all this time?” I reply, confused.

“Yeah, I kind of need that and I don’t know how I lost it in the first place. You’re sure you haven’t seen it? Maybe you thought it was just my shirt?”

If I hadn’t found his shirt, why would he think I’d found a book looking like his shirt? “I really haven’t. Why didn’t you tell us earlier that you were missing something other than your clothes? We could’ve spent all this time looking for blue and white stripes!”

“It’s, erm, kind of private…” he trailed off guiltily.

Louis had a private book? I thought he and I told each other everything, but that would mean he wouldn’t have anything in that book that I wouldn’t know. “Why didn’t you at least tell me if you didn’t want the others to see it? Or just tell them it’s private?”

“This is different. It’s something just for me and nobody else, Haz.” That hurt. He was keeping secrets from me.

“What happened to telling each other everything?” I ask.

“I’ll tell you someday, Hazza. I’m just not ready yet. There’s only really one thing I haven’t told you, ever, and the book is all about it. It’s to help me sort myself out, you know? So I’ll tell you when I think I’m ready.” He explained.

Okay, that made it a bit better. I understood needing time to admit something. I still hadn’t told Louis about any of the strange feelings I’d been trying to ignore and Liam’s suspicions of what they might be.

“Sorry, Boo. I won’t push it; you can take your time,” I say sympathetically. Maybe I’ll tell him what’s been happening inside my head when he admits whatever’s in that… book? Diary? I think I’ll call it a journal.

“Just let me know if you see a white book with blue stripes, all right? Thanks,” he turns, not waiting for me to answer before going down the hall to the next room.

I gave up my search for my missing beanie and decided I’d help Louis find his book. It was obviously valuable to him and I didn’t want to deal with a moping Lou when we got back if he didn’t find it.

Climbing the stairs, I poked my head into Liam’s room to remind him my beanie was nowhere to be found before searching the extra room. There was an extra bedroom upstairs that we’d discovered, and I thought none of us had ever been in there but it couldn’t hurt to check.

I was about to leave when I saw a hint of blue sticking out from under the side of the mattress. Could it be…? Quickly walking over, I pushed the mattress back a bit. Yes, it was Louis’ journal.

Sliding it out and standing, I looked down at the book. It was actually a very simple design, and Lou was right in saying that it looked like one of his concert shirts. I chuckled, imagining his face when I told him I had his precious journal.

A very devious thought entered my mind. I was up here alone, except for Liam in his room. Louis was downstairs and probably still looking around the kitchen. I was holding the very book that held whatever secrets he’d been keeping, even from his best friend. I could…

No. Bad Harry. Good friends trust each other and don’t read private journals. I closed the cover. But wait… it could have to do with me and that’s why he didn’t tell me… I opened the cover again. But it was still wrong to read it without his permission. I closed it.

I must’ve looked quite a sight, standing in the middle of a spare room opening and closing the cover of a book. I kept at it, almost reading it but then the good side of my brain would tell me not to. I had just forced the good side to be quiet and began to lift the cover one last time when-

“My book! Thanks so much Haz, you’re a lifesaver!” Louis entered the room, making me snap the book closed tight and paste a grin over my guilty expression.

“Yeah, uh, your book… it was under the mattress here in the extra room,” I stuttered out.

He smiled, taking it from my hands. “I used this room a few times to just sit and think, so I guess I left it here. I wouldn’t have thought to even look up here, so thanks!” I was crushed in a bone-jarring hug for a couple seconds before he pulled away.

My face had hopefully lost the guilt by now and I grinned back at him. “You’re welcome! Anything for my Boobear…. I have to find that beanie, see you later!” Hoping he didn’t notice my slight hesitation or quick exit, I hastily escaped the room and ran to mine.

Why did he have to come in right then? I was so close to actually reading it! I would’ve read just a few pages, just to find out what was wrong… I wanted to help him. Obviously whatever it was, he didn’t like it all that much. That’s why it would be hard to tell me.

At least I found it for him. Lying down on the bed, I feel an extra little bump under my side and reach under the covers. My beanie! All that time spent looking and it was here all along! It was stuffed into my bag along with the rest of my things before I zipped the bag and brought it to the front door, just like I had done back home two weeks ago. Sighing, I returned to my room to think.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since my announcement to the world that I was dating my best friend, and I hadn’t died. I hadn’t been injured, I hadn’t lost Louis, and the band hadn’t been ruined. It felt good to know that Simon had been right, in a way. We were fine. In fact I felt closer to the boys, especially Louis, than ever. I still wasn’t going to forgive him for forcing this on us, though.

Tomorrow marked the start of our return to normal, or as normal as our lives can get. I was going to be on live television this time tomorrow, talking about my “relationship”. I really hoped things didn’t get awkward again, because I didn’t know how we’d get the time to work it out without another break.

I still wasn’t sure if Liam and Simon had a point. I knew I no longer put Louis in the category of strictly my best friend, but could I really like him in that way? I’d never taken an interest in a guy before. I’d never wanted to think of anyone in a loving manner other than my girlfriends.

No, I couldn’t like him. And I definitely wasn’t in love with him, like our relationship was supposed to be for the public. But for both our sakes, I would have to suck it up and put on a happy face for the cameras and just hope for the best.

If there was one thing I was looking forward to when we came back, it would be that I now had a mission. Now that I knew Louis had some big secret he was keeping from us all, it made me want to know what was going on desperately. And I knew just how to find out: his journal. I had to get to it again, when he wasn’t around to stop me. I wouldn’t tell anyone; I just wanted to be there for him.

I had to find that blue and white striped journal.