Literature, Sexism and Technology

The F Word

Okay so let's start with one of our language's most contentious words. Not fuck, though I'll get to that later, but feminism. Nothing sends eyes rolling like the good ol' fashioned feminism - brings up images of bra burning and angry marching women. So yes, definitely worth paying homage to those that came before us, but let's not let the word get stuck with something about the past. And I want to avoid getting too academic and talking about second wave and third wave feminism, because that will only elicit more eye rolls and yawns.

Instead let's focus on something more visceral. Why does the word make men and women alike get that funky feeling in their gut? Why do so many people who pride themselves on their values of equality, disassociate from the word feminist. What makes it so ugly, so icky?

Maybe it's the same reason we don't think twice about using the word pussy as a synonym for weak or cowardly. Maybe it's the same reason cunt is the worst insult you can call a person. Maybe it's because feminism is viewed in such stark contrast to the images that feminine evokes - softness, beauty, grace and nurturing. Well that's a whole other issue, so another thing to get to later.

Everyone will define the word the way they want to and that's totally your right (though for some reason there never seems to be this level of confusion or contention about other -ism words like moralism, racism) but for me, it's pretty simple. A feminist is someone who believes in equality, regardless of sex. When I strip it down to that it's really quite simple. Most people I know are feminists according to this definition. Or at least they want to be. But most people I know don't define themselves as such.

Okay so all this is pretty basic for all you women's studies majors out there. Fine. Now let's get to why any of this matters to the rest of us who don't live and breathe in it every day.

The world is full of blatant and horrifying atrocities that prove there is no equality (yet). But I'm not going to focus on that here. There are a lot of great resources around that speak to it way better than I could.

My experiences and complaints are more around systemic, subtler inequalities. Inequalities of expectations, of gender roles, of behaviors we're trained into from a young age.

Let's start with sex. I told you'd I'd get back to that other f word. Our so-called developed American world where opportunities should abound for women (and where many believe feminism is no longer necessary since we've already achieved equality - another proof point that the American education system is failing its children - well that and creationism) is one of the most repressive when it comes to sex. As a society we've made such a big deal about it with so many mixed messages: it's bad, it's wrong, it's for reproduction only, it's for love only, it's for marriage only, it's fun, it's exciting, it's about growing up, it's about power. We're obsessed. When we give that much weight to something it's no wonder it ends up screwing with everything.

Not to minimize it. Sex can be complex as it is. My point is that we're piling on and making it worse, especially for young people.

As a culture we work so hard to control it, cover it up, manage it - how exhausting. Meanwhile 5 year olds play with toy guns and pretend to shoot each other and that's all in good fun? Something weird is going on here.

So when a 12 year-old-girl thinks about sex (or maybe even does it...gasp), what goes through her head? I'm sure there's a mix of excitement, confusion, curiosity, but what worries me is the shame. I'll probably dedicate a full chapter to slut shaming at some point, so we'll go back to this.

What I want to see is an open world where anyone can talk about what they're feeling, especially when they are young, and connect and relate to other people. Where the 12 year-old doesn't have to be afraid to live her experience and talk about it if she wants. Where Internet culture helps her to feel no shame.

Overall though, issues like these are why feminism still matters. It's also why expression matters and how it all ties back to Internet culture and the world people are growing up in today.