I'm telling you now, today, I learn the weirdest stuff of my life.
My kidnapper, by the name of Keo, showed me to the souls. Or what are the glowing humans. He calls them souls because they are pure and free. Well, not pure, pure, but just free. Showing their true self without shame.
"That is the very soul you are seeing. When they are golden or white like an angel, they are showing true self to everyone." Keo explains.
"Well, can you even change like that?"
"He smiles for the first time."Sure, if I want to be a girl or boy."
"What!?" I exclaim.
He sighs."We have both genders, and we don't. We are both, yet neither."
"That doesn't make sense! Do you know how crazy you sound?" I cross my hands.
"That's who we are. That's who you are, too." He tells me directly.
I feel my breath accelerate. This is all too confusing. Even for someone as crazy and confusing as I am.
I shake my head several times."No. I'm not that. I'm me, and that's all I am."
"Exactly. And this is you. You are this." His voice sounds far away.
I clutch my head and close my eyes, rocking to myself.
Usually when I slip away like this at home, horrible thoughts pass in rapid session. Murder, suicide, confusion, hate, anger, lost hope, darkness, pain, suffering, agony. Everything terrifying. Because I am all of these. I'm everything and nothing. I make sense, but I don't, even when I never intend to.
Now I'm with someone who is making this all the more worse.
"Are you okay? Dawn, listen to me, this isn't bad at all. Stop worrying. It's normal here." I hear his words, but I don't understand them. I'm wallowed up in my own misery.
Why? Why does this have to be me? I know I'm not the best human, if I even am one, but I'm a good person. I don't try and ruin people's lives. I try to make people happy. Why?
I start saying the words that come come to my mind when I utterly lose myself."Maybe I'm crazy. I'm crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. I'm insane...."
"Dawn, stop it. You're being foolish. You know you're not crazy." I hear a the guy's voice.
What? What did he say? He thinks I'm crazy too? I am crazy.
"Dawn, listen." He commands something. What?
"No! I can't hear you! I can't!" I shout, feeling my control on reality snap.
"Yes, you can. You just answered." The voice protests.
I stand up and slap the guy."I don't hear you! I'm insane! How can I hear you? I'm insane!"
He grapples my wrists."Dawn! SHUT UP!!! You are NOT crazy!! Not! This is all real!" He shouts in my face.
I freeze, stunned. What?
He shakes me roigh."No! Listen! You are not crazy or insane or loony. This is all real. Are you really gonna lose it 'cause I brought you here?"
"No, don't say it. If you do, I'll make sure your precious friends WILL go insane." He warns harshly.
My head snaps up."Lexie. Jet."
He nods."Yes. They wouldn't want you going insane over something so small. They know you're strong, and you wouldn't do this in front of them."
I inhale through my mouth, and exhale out my nose a couple of times.
I struggle against his hold."I'm fine, you can let go. Seriously though, you guys really need to learn about personal space."
He sighs in relief."Okay, I'm going to bring you to your new home. Your real home."
I nod slowly, eating this up warily."Okay. Sounds good, sounds good. Let's...go."
He leads me from my spot I had my strange breakdown.
Then a thought hits me.
This place is my home. This place is where I really stay.
I just might believe this.