Funny Sayings

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Ø  I’m not short! I’m just vertically challenged.

Ø  MATH M: mental A: abuse T: to H: humans

Ø  Roses are red    violets are blue   now your with her    and I’m happy for you

Violets are blue    roses are red   I was just kidding   I want her dead

Ø  Roses are read    violets are blue   and I’ve got a middle finger       just for you

Ø  The fastest and easiest way to make your friend mad is simply responding, “the sky” after they ask, “what’s up?”

Ø  Would I rather be feared or loved? Um… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Ø  Isn’t it ironic how the boy with the bread and the girl on fire met when the boy with the bread gave the girl on fire burnt bread?

Ø  I heard you are dating my ex boyfriend, okay. I’m eating a sandwich do YOU want those leftovers too?

Ø  Statistics have shown that those who have the most birthdays live the longest. YOU DON’T SAY!

Ø  If stalking is illegal… then why did they create Facebook?

Ø  In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache that could cause laughter in the church.

Ø  To all valley girls and ditzes: you know that he’s the perfect guy for if he’s able to put up with you easily.

Ø  Say no to drugs. Say yes to tacos.

Ø  There are no stupid questions just stupid people.

Ø  I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day!

Ø  Come on pencil make words!

Ø  Note to self: wearing headphones doesn’t make my farts silent.

Ø  Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Ø  We’re friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge, I get on my boat and save you retarded butt.

Ø  Sometimes I wonder, “Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?” then it hits me.

Ø  OH, so you wanna argue? BRING IT. I got my CAPS LOCK ON!

Ø  Zombies eat brains… you’re safe.

Ø  Worst inventions ever:

Powdered water

Inflatable dartboard

A book on how to read

Fireproof matches

Black highlighter

Ø  I’m dressing you with my eyes.

Ø  My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is knowing they can’t fight back when I bite their heads off.

Ø  If stupid had a picture in the dictionary, you’d be looking at yourself.

Ø  “Did you just fall?”

“No I attacked the floor.”

“Backwards?”

“I’m that talented!”

Ø  “But mom what if I get kidnapped?”

“Trust me, they’d bring you back.”

Ø  That moment where your siting or laying in a certain way are your just all like "draw me like one of your French girls."

Ø  Welcome to our ool (notice there’s not ‘p’ in it) LETS KEEP IT THIS WAY!

Ø  5 lies girls tell: 1) I’m fine. 2) I’m not jealous. 3) I’m over him. 4) Sure we can be friends. 5) I’m not mad.

Ø  Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters, perfectly harmless, until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -Will Ferrell

Ø  That awesome moment when your ex’s new bf/gf is much uglier than you.

Ø  Face palm and carry on.

Ø  I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

Ø  Teenager post#4809: everything is funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh.

Ø  Remember, you’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Ø  Women are like refrigerators: cold on the inside. You always want to put your meat in them. And they belong in the kitchen. (I’m a girl and I still found this funny sorry if I insulted any of you, I really was not trying to.)

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