British Invader

Chap 1-Meet and Greet

As I opened the door, my little cat family swarmed to me. All four kitties nudged their heads against my legs asking to be petted. I squatted down and fulfilled their wishes. Once they were all purring, I gently pushed them aside and sat down in a crisscross applesauce manner. I repositioned my guitar in my lap and leaned my back against my front door. Closing my eyes, I focused on the song of nature. Birds seemed to be chirping from all over my front yard. They were always perched on the higher branches away from my cats’ paws. This distance made their song turn into a sweet soft melody as it reached my ears. I opened my eyes, trying to glimpse the choir of birds, but the golden sun that was high in the sky left me blinded. I closed my eyes again and began playing my guitar. All 8 cat ears turned my way as the first chord rang out horribly. I realized the tuning was nasty because I hadn’t applied enough pressure to the strings. Going for a G chord, I tried again. This time the sound that rang out was perfectly tuned and approved by the cats as their ears stopped twitching. I lost track of time as I relaxed on my front porch. Playing my guitar, I only stopped when the car traffic picked up, blocking the sounds of my instrument. For the first time I noticed how boring my neighborhood was. My neighbors were mostly old people and I hadn’t seen one teenager or kid yet. I had almost accepted that this summer would be as boring as the rest. Just as I was ready to go inside, the pulsating music arrived to my house. I looked for the source, but there wasn’t a car in sight. Not yet anyway. I decided to sit back down and wait for this bit of entertainment. At the least I could check out the car that packed such mighty speakers. Turning the corner, the source of the music was a dark blue mustang with racing strips. What surprised me was its turn into my drive way. As the driver ascended to my house I could do nothing but ogle him. I don’t know who this sexy guy was, but he was definitely the answer to my boring summer. Or so I thought. My excitement was obliterated as he opened his stupid mouth.

“You must be the help! Hey, can you go get my Aunt for me?” the sexy smug stranger said to me slowly as if I were a kid. His British accent didn’t help defuel my attraction because it was so sexy, but his words sure did the trick. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.

“Help? As in you assumed the African American WOman is a maid to your elderly white Aunt? Sorry to disappoint you, but the black folks are now moving on up! We’s own our own land sir.” I shot up from my relaxed position and spit my words toward him. Just as I was about to slam my door in his face I heard a chuckle and realized a younger girl standing on my porch.

“Hi, I’m Cyndie.” The little girl reached out to shake my hand. I was really pissed, but couldn’t resist shaking her hand. I didn’t want to upset the poor child. As I shook her hand she seemed to notice my cats. Excitement crossed her face.

“Can I pet them? Can I please?” She jumped up and down making me giggle. I had decided to totally ignore Mr. Sexy-n-Smug.

“Yeah! Just be careful. Move slowly and let them sniff your hand first.” I said looking for my sweetest cat. “Here, you can pet Pixie. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“You named a boy cat Pixie, how gay,” said the unwelcomed visitor. Cyndie slowly lowered her hand to his nose. He sniffed once then nudged her hand as he always did to me. I chuckled as Cyndie’s face brightened up. “Oh my Gosh!!! Cynthia is going to love this!” She squealed. “I’m sorry for my idiot brother upsetting you!” She blurted out, and then covered her mouth as if She had said something wrong. This brought the smile and laughter back to me.

“You’re not mad?” She asked shocked.

“At your brother yes, at you, sweetie no!” I answered still grinning.

“You know,” she said sounding like a scientist or well educated adult, “He’s really bad with speaking to the ladies. I think it’s because he doesn’t have enough practice.” That seemed to irritate her brother as he grabbed her hand. “That’s enough.” He said dragging her down my house’s steps headed back to his vehicle. Once he buckling her into the backseat he returned to my porch. Ugh, why can’t this rude hottie leave already, I thought to myself.

“I’m sorry for my assumption. I promise you it has nothing to do with your race! I just don’t know what to expect here in America and on a few television shows they have help so I thought maybe you were…” He trailed off not finishing. For a second he just stared into my eyes then he seemed to study me face. I coughed bringing him out of whatever his thoughts were. “Uh! Could you help me find my Aunt’s house? I would really appreciate it.” The innocent smile he had on his face made me want to forgive him quickly.

“Well know you can’t believe everything on TV! Around here no one has help. That’s a quick way to offend a black person, that and the N-word. I don’t know how it is where you’re from, but I promise you if you call me the help again, you’ll experience your first American WWE smack down! Do I make myself clear? Now what’s the address or your Aunt’s name?” I said calmly to mask my anger. The weird thing was that while I was very upset with him, I found myself hoping he would be staying close.

“Mrs. Beatrice Moore at 3250…” I cut him off pointing to the house in front of me.

“Your destination is across the street. Next time you visit maybe we can sit and have a ‘nice cup of tea govna’. Have a nice day.” I said mimicking his accent. I closed the door not waiting for a reply. After awhile the techno music was once again thumping, but only for a quick second. I guess he reached his destiny.