3 Stepbrothers

There's No Love

"You said you'd have my back!" I shoved my way past Blake and Shawn. Tears were streaming down my face and it felt like the world was closing in. Mom and dad tensed when they saw me crying but I ignored them and headed upstairs. I slammed my bed room door shut and just stood there while sobs were freely escaping my lips.

My knees buckled from under me so I sat against the door and buried my face in my hands. There were only a handful of times I'd cried this hard. My sides started hurting from the sobs. I thought I'd have everything under control whenever my breathing slowed and only a few sobs were escaping, but then the cycle of my heart breaking would start all over again.I would cry and cry not caring about anything.

I just threw away ten years of friendship. With the guy I didn't even know I was attracted to. I felt so stupid, everything made more sense now. Mark was always my teddy bear. The guy that would be my everything and now I felt empty. I felt hollow just thinking about the way he looked at me. He wasn't mad, he was disappointed. Disappointment was a hundred times worse than anger. The way his eyes stared at me was engraved in my brain. I'd never be able to get that out. My heart squeezed so tightly, it was physically painful.

"Tori!" Someone banged on the door. "Open the door."

"Go away." I shrieked.

"Just open the door." Blake banged again causing me to move from my spot and get on my bed.

I pulled the covers over my head and started sobbing into my pillows. It came out muffled, glad that no one could hear me as loudly anymore. "Please leave me alone," I cried softer knowing they could still hear me. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

There was shifting outside the door. "Tori," Cole called trying to open the door. "Please let us in. We just want to help." It sounded like he was trying to coax a kitten out of hiding. I sat still on my bed not sure how to answer. "Please...Shawn brought ice cream and we have a movie. Let us help you like you helped us."

I sniffled, standing up and walking to my door. My hand froze when it reached the doorknob, hesitating before I turned it. I opened the door slowly, feeling my eyes starting to shake and sting with unshed tears. "Did you see the way he looked at me?" My brothers faces fell when I started sobbing again.

Cole wrapped his arms around me and let me sob against his chest. "Don't cry baby sis." I felt his lips kiss my forehead, "Please don't cry."

Shawn walked in and placed tubs of ice cream on my bed. "Come on," He said, "We're gonna make you feel better."

I sniffled, "How?"

Shawn gave me a small smile. "Well we have ice cream and I brought them waffles."

When I didn't move, Cole picked me up and placed me on my bed. He and Shawn settled around me while Blake stood at my closed doorway. We stared at each other, I noticed the guilt and regret he had. He looked stressed and tired, I realized it wasn't my place to tell him what happened with Cali. Or the fact that I started screaming at him. At the same time, I didn't feel the need to say sorry.

I realize now that it's not entirely his fault. It takes two people, not one. It just made me wish it was a different girl, yet at the same time I'm glad it was Cali. She wasn't just someone that wanted him, she actually thought she was in love with him. It's different in a way. Everything fit together like a puzzle. She was madly in love with Mark, but he didn't feel the same because I got in the way. If I had known I would have maybe backed off then, now though I couldn't find the will to do it. Then Cali went off to Blake, the rumors had gotten so bad she believed them. She believed the Parris Trips and I were having a fling. Even Mark believed them.

I wondered who else believed the rumor mill. Hayden? Emily? God I hope not. I can't lose all my friends. Everything was just collapsing in front of me and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. It's stressful and gives me a new level of anxiety. I'd have to toughen up like when mom died, but this was different. Everyone I knew believed everything. The stares and whispers were awful. If this was how Blake, Cole, and Shawn felt all the time, I'd hate it. I would never be able to deal with all of it.