12. Pain, Love, and Loss

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Melanie

These mood swings of his were starting to get very annoying! 

But the most irritating is how he keeps making me feel. 

I don't know how to control these odd feeling I'm having towards him, let alone stop them. But things between us have definitely changed. Even though we have only known each other for a few days, I still can see a difference in Lawrence since the first night. The way he looks at me now and acts around me is, strange? Almost like his avoiding was more like a fear then an displeasure. 

But what would Lawrence have to fear? 

After that horrible night, I had thought Drake was terrifying, but that was physical. With Lawrence, he struck fear into your mind instantly with just the sound of his voice. I had never felt so small and insignificant by just one person, and one that I couldn't even see! It was a fear I never want to experience again. One that I hoped Lawrence would keep the promise of to never have to feel that again. 

His actions thought just lead me to more questions. All I know so far of him is that he kept to himself. Was a workaholic in a business he was very vague about. His collection of books could mean many things. But it didn't explain what he did that made him so successful. Other then his work ethic that I could see why he was. At the same time he was a person I could tell was adventures if applied. A man that I was started to see acted hard and tough but underneath he could be sweet and kind. 

So today, my ultimate goal was to find out WHO Lawrence was.

It's not like I could just straight out and ask. He already had avoided my questions the first time and I was also a little afraid to even press again. Drakes words hunted me still from those nights ago. Nightmare flashing behind my closed eyes on what he could have done to me if Lawrence hadn't shown up when he had. Would I even be alive right now. The people he seemed to know where very dangerous. But it just made more questions on why he knew a person like Drake to begin with. A gang leader that didn't seem to travel in the same circles as Lawrence. There statues polar opposites to matched there hatred for each other.

What if I didn't like what I found out?

What could it be that is so bad though?

Looking over at Lawrence as we headed to the car, he seemed harmless. Even kind with a hint of mischief in his features. And at times he could be so sweet and attentive, when he wants to be. But he still appeared to be somewhat of a good guy. Maybe a little misplaced on some things, but still good. Was I missing something? Could there be something that at times I felt like was holding himself back. But what could it be for him to hold a hard and cold façade. To appear a heartless and dark person I could see in his actions wasn't true to who he most likely was inside.

Or I could just be imagining things for my own sake of sanity that seemed to be slipping with each day.

Lawrence held my hand the whole way to the car, but I suspected it was to make me uncomfortable for his enjoyment. Actions I started to see that he would take any chance to get me to blush or squirm under his intense gaze. Ones that were underving to know what to do with them. But my body seeming to with every slight touch would tingle with warmth. Any outrages comment would have my skin prickle in awareness to his gazes that I so much wanted to understand them. Men an enigma that was starting to realize that understanding fully was futile. Even more with Lawrence that with each puzzle I would set in place, two more would be created and have no place to set.

I wanted all of these thoughts to stop. 

All of these unwarranted feeling to cease.

With what I knew about him already should let me know that he was a person not for the romantic ideals that seemed to pop into my mind randomly. Thoughts that were ridiculous to conger up for a man I was a present for just days ago. Ripped away from the only two people I had thought loved me and taken to be with a man I wasn't sure if I should be afraid of for many reasons. Honestly, I couldn't see him physically hurting me but emotionally, yes. Because with each glance and each touch it was pushing me to an unfeasible life that was filled with more pain than happiness for me. 

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