You wish you knew me now (editing)

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Mariah's POV

I entered the house with a long sigh. I stared down at Alina who slept in my arms with comfort, and security. I was proud of myself making my daughter feel safe in my very own arms. I never felt any safety in my own mothers so i never knew how it felt. But Alina showed me how security and love felt in a mothers arm. I would die for Alina if i had to; she was everything to me. She kept me going through night and day. Never once did i consider abortion or adoption because I knew Alina was the only thing that kept me going; making me stay away from suicide or anything close to that kind of thoughts. Without Alina there would be no model named Mercedes or friend named Mariah.

"Is he awake?" a sleepy voice echoed, which startled me making me jump backwards clutching onto Alina tightly.

I looked up to see James rubbing his eyes looking at Alina then back to me with a huge smile on his face. I stared at him with a confused expression, as the hallway light hardly shun on him but mostly at the stairway that separated us both.

"He needs you" was all James said before going back to his room.

I was left confused and shocked by that statement. Did James want me or not? What was his point, to be with Adam? I knew Adam meant the world to him but i didn't realise he would give up that easily for his monster of a brother.

I made my way upstairs still trying to shake the thought of James not loving me anymore. I placed Alina back into her cot before going into the hallway.

I stood in front of James bedroom door sighing and pushing the door open revealing a sleeping James. I walked closer to his bed, sitting next to him. I could hear him sighing, but i didn't question it.

I stayed in his room feeling the atmosphere changing into awkward silence; I fiddled with the hem of my shirt and glaring at the photo ahead of James. The mere fact that he didn't have the boldness to even face me or even uttering a word.

We sat in complete silence for another 10 minutes. He didn't even move or making any type of sound. Just the heartbeat thudding in his chest was all I could hear.

"You know that i want you so bad" he said, which took me by surprise. But he still had his back to me, while his hands rested under his head. "But I know that a mates bond is stronger. How much you hate him, it's never going to change, it's always love somewhere behind the word hate" he whispered in despair.

"James I don't want anything to do with him." I sighed, sleeping beside him with my face, facing to the ceiling. "I just want him to be there for Alina. So at least I can tell her I gave him a chance and gave her a father. I don't want him to be hated by her. Or worse be hated by my own daughter because i didn't allow her father access to her." The words pained me even more when i said it out loud.

I heard James shuffling beside me so he was now faced towards me. I faced towards him to. "I know it's just that... I'm scared I'm going to lose you to him" he chuckled nervously and embarrassedly.

I leaned in placing a kiss on his cherry lips; I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me up. My chest was smashed against his while his hands traced down my back. I pulled away breathing heavily. "There's nothing to be scared of" I whispered back to him.

.....................................

"Alina!" James squealed in a rather childish manner, which made me laugh. Which had made me slowly pull away the spoon from her mouth. "Is Alina being fed?" James questioned with his arms across his chest. She nodded eagerly, grabbing my hand, ordering me rather energetically to give her another spoon of a very delicious homemade porridge. I giggled when she stared at me sternly. Her eyes stayed on mines, making me feel like she was my master I her slave. I sighed in defeat when her stare intensified. I scooped up the porridge and started flying it like an aeroplane. I played with her for a bit, seeing her eager. She pouted her lips making me sigh in defeat giving her a spoonful of porridge.