She-Wolf Chronicles: United Forces (1)

Chapter 12

Pic on the side is of Craig and Mitchie. The song is 'Blurry' by Puddle of Mudd. :D

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Chapter 12

There are times when I think to myself; what the hell am I still doing alive? I’m being serious. I’m not a suicidal person, but there are times when I’m over come with such grief and pain that I think, is life really worth living?

Normally, the answer would be yes, as I would think about all the people that I love, and who would probably miss me if I’m gone. But, right now, as I’m walking to my car slowly, my tattoo burning, my wolf growling, and my heart shattering into a million pieces; I’m seriously considering forgetting about all the reasons to stay alive, and to just go join my mum.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m wallowing in self-pity, but I can’t help it. I’ve always ignored everything around me, every horrid emotion inside of me. Ignorance is bliss as they say. I’m not a strong person, honestly I’m not. The only way I’ve been able to live through what I have is through ignoring everything.

But now that my world is shattering around me, and I have no idea what’s real and what’s not, I’m starting to think that I’m going to have to catch up with sixteen years of pain, and understand what’s going on in my body and in my personal life before I can even think of moving on.

As I got into my car, Nick’s voice ran through my mind, replaying what he said to me that night I had first shifted into a wolf.

“...You’re not the type of person to run away from your problems Mitchie; you hold you’re ground until you resolve all of them and you know it!”

I sighed while starting the car and plugging in my iPod.

How right he was. No matter how many times I wanted to welcome death, I know for a fact I wouldn’t be able to do it.  I’d be like those ghosts from The Mediator Series. I’d keep haunting Suze Simon until she solved my unfinished business, and because I like to solve my own problems, I’d have resented myself even more.

I shook the thoughts out of my head as I backed out the driveway and sped down the road. I need to listen to some music.

I quickly selected ‘Blurry’ by Puddle of Mudd and hummed along to the tune, needing a break from my self-pity and just to be surrounded by the calm that only music could bring me.

I parked my car and checked my reflection in my mirror. My eyeliner had smudged slightly due to the silent tears that had run down my cheeks as I drove. I quickly re-did it before taking two deep breaths and made sure none of the emotions churning inside of me showed on my face.

I looked out the windows as I grabbed my bag from the back seat, making sure no one had seen the state I was in just now, though thankfully I had tinted windows, so even if people were looking – which they were – they wouldn’t see much anyway.

I stepped out the car with my head held high, and walked quickly into the school, heading to the reception so I could get my late mark. The receptionist understood when I told her that I had to go to my dad’s ‘business firm’ this morning, so after calling Dad and checking that my story was legit, she marked me here.

As I was stashing my bag in my locker and getting out my books, I heard a voice with a fake ‘from-the-hood’ accent call, “Yo, Michelley!”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or scold him and myself: Me – for forgetting that it was Tuesday. Him – for not giving up his crazy tradition.