Not how it was planned - A Harry Styles Fanfic

22. Tell me a lie

As I woke up and opened my eyes I was surprised not to meet Harry’s sleeping face. Since when did he wake up before me?

I got quickly dressed and went out in the living room. The boys were all sitting there, and when the saw me they all got very awkward face expressions.

“Erm.. Didn’t we have to do that… that thing,” Liam asked and looked at the others. They all played along like no one understood why they were looking for an excuse to go out. They all ran out the door except from Harry who was looking at the TV with an empty look in his eyes. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, but fortunately he took over.

“Can we talk?” he asked and stood up. I nodded and studied him as he got closer. For the first time since I got here I didn’t know what he felt.

“Please tell me you aren’t leaving me for that dickhead who cheated on you,” he said and looked me straight in the eyes. For no reason at all I suddenly found the urge to create a lighter mood. I couldn’t bear to make a decision about this, I didn’t even bare to think about it.

“Do you want me to tell you a lie?” I asked and smiled a bit when he looked surprised at me.

“What?”

“Tell me everything but don't you say

It's what you're missing, baby

If he's the reason that you're leaving me tonight

Spare me what you think and

Tell me a lie,” I sang to him. Unfortunately my song choice wasn’t as funny to Harry as it was to me.

“I’m serious. You deserve better than him,” he said. When I didn’t answer he became upset.

“What can he give you that I can’t?” he asked with eyes that could only be described in one word, vulnerable.

“A normal life,” I said before I even decided. I had no idea where it came from, because I had never thought it my self. For a moment I thought he would start crying but his face changed from hurt to angry.

“Well I guess there’s nothing I can say,” He said and went out the door. What did I just do? Why the hell did I say that? I was not interested in getting together with Rick again, he called me a whore last time I saw him. But that didn’t explain why I just said what I said.

Harry didn’t come home until it was the middle of the night. The boys told me he had been out on a club, and I could clearly notice that as he was wasted as hell when he lay in bed.

I tried really hard to sleep before he had come home, so it wouldn’t be awkward but I was to upset to even close my eyes. Harry looked at me and to my surprise he smiled.

“If we had that makeout-competition tonight I would have won for sure,” he said and smiled at me. That was like a knife in the heart. We had never kissed for real, we had only teased each other, but we never got serious enough for a real one, and now we wouldn’t.

“Congratulations,” I said and turned away from him.

When I woke up I was glad to find out that they were on their interview. I really needed some time alone right now. But I needed desperately to talk with someone or else I would just sit and feel sorry for myself.

“Hey, what’s up?” Anna asked with her familiar voice. As I heard her I almost burst out into cry, mostly because I missed her but also because of the situation I was in.

“Hey,” I answered and tried to keep my voice under control. I wasn’t planning on telling her everything, but she immediately heard that something was wrong. So I quickly told her about everything that happened.

“He really made out with someone?” Anna asked shocked. I mumbled a yes slowly.

“I was just hoping that he would at least fight for me, I’m not even sure if I meant what I said about wanting to have a normal life, it just popped out of me. But clearly when he gives up so easily it’s for the best that we’re not together,” I said and tried to remain calm.

“You can’t expect that much of him, he’s a guy and you hurt his feelings, so he wants to hurt yours,” Anna answered.

“I have always told myself not to have to high expectation to a person because then I won’t be disappointed. I guess I should listen to my own advice more often,” I said quietly

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she said.

“Yeah, but that’s what I meant,” I interrupted. There was a little silence, but I unexpectedly started to laugh.

“I feel like I’m going to cry,” I said and felt my eyes fill up with tears.

“Then cry, let it all out, I promise you, you will feel better,” She said.

“No, I’m not going to cry!” I answered.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because I know he wouldn’t cry for me,” I said quietly.

“But I got to go now, bye,” I said and hung up before she had the chance to stop me. I stared at nothing for a while before I felt anger to take the place to the sadness. I took a pillow and threw it across the room, and then another and then another one. Suddenly all the pillows where spread across the room. I slowly gathered them and put them in the sofa like nothing had happened.

Just as I stared blankly at the TV the door opened and the boys got in. They all gathered around me.

“Hey,” Harry said and smiled at me. Oh, so that’s how we’re going to play? Well, two could play that game… He wasn’t the only one who could pretend that it wasn’t anything wrong.

“Hi,” I said and tried to smile widely at him. I had always told myself that I could be a good actor, but when you’re inside is crying it’s hard to not show any kind of sadness.