The window to my soul

I don't know what's happening anymore. Is it even worth my efforts now? I guess a breaking point is inevitable when you've stayed strong for just too long...a point where you ask yourself, "Till when and for what?" 

I, Rose Morrison, refused to admit or rather even believe that I needed someone...anyone to share my life with. A friend or a partner. All may accompany the devil. But now...I just couldn't take it anymore, it had been too long I had been strong for, now I had just grown tired. Tired of lies, those fake smiles and the painful goodbyes, the journey of my life. 

"We were both younnng, when I first saw youuuu...! " I giggled uncontrollably as I sang to the top of my lungs. It was just about twilight and the view from the bridge looked breathtaking. The clouds looked dull and threatened to open up any minute to drench me.

"I close my eyes," my eyelids drooping on the que, "and the flashback starts. I am standing there..." I opened my eyes to stop the flashback right then and there. No, not again. 
 
Hmm, so that's it. People always say life is a journey and when you are about to die...make sure the flashback is worth watching. Well, my flashback is another story.

 I took another sip from my kingfisher "In your good times" beer, and swallowed while making a very loud, unladylike noise. Who cares for ettiquettes when they are on a suicide mission? It's a kind of keeping-the-mind-busy job already.

The sun would be setting soon enough. Nature was in it's spring phase, full of life. How ironical. But, even the blooming flowers were going to have to shrink and die eventually. Nothing survives. It just never does, irrespective of what it is. Even nature has to die. If not literally, but in this way. Part by part. 

The much admired view had been showing off itself from different angles now that my head spun. It was like I had just gotten off the ride that kept going in circles at the Ferris park and was about to get motion sick anytime now.

Ignoring my pukish throat and throbbing head, I swung my legs on the either sides of the railing and decided to let go on the count of three. The river below is making loud swishing sound as it bumps into the rocks on its way and then continues to flow again. Looking down gives me a ticklish sensation in the stomach and I close my eyes.
 

I took a deep breath and started the great countdown to the devils house. "One...two...to hell with it!" I muttered and got back on the bridge. I was doing it, no backing out. I couldnt chicken myself out now. If I did...what for?

Maybe jumping off a bridge was bad planning. I had purposefully driven towards the country side to jump off this very bridge. The roads were mainly isolated, the view was heavenly and I could've spent the last few minutes of my life with myself.
 

I started pacing back and forth rapidly on the bridge and try to give my brain a kick start. Dear brain, kindly think. Think. Think!
 

Yes, I should have taken up another method. What with me being acrophobic, I had even bought a flat on the very first floor of an ninety-six floor building. That too because it was at a cheap rate and I needed to save up a little, or I wouldn't want to even step in it.
 

I sighed and got back to business. Poison? But where would I get it from now? I was practically on a bridge in the middle of trees, bushes and whatnot. It was quite a lonely place, though it was pretty. No wait, scratch that, the word pretty is just an understatement. It was beautiful. The violet sky was slowly getting a little bit of yellow splashed on it as the sun tried to hide in the river below the bridge while it was coming out from behind the rapidly moving silver lined clouds.
 

I stopped pacing and looked below the bridge and realised that I could have tried drowning but the river was a little far than I liked from the bridge. It would again bring me to the "just jump off the bridge girl" option.

I had almost drowned at the school's pool. Our class was having a swimming test and I was challenged to jump in and show my swimming expertise by swimming the length. Being the expert egoistic non-swimmer who could only float I jumped in like a fool. It actually felt good at first, and I thought I could do it, when suddenly too much water entered my mouth, and I started hitting my arms and legs around like crazy. It felt like forever until someone realised I was drowning and saved my ass.