My Not So Perfect Teenage Life

Chapter 31

I didn't know what to do. It was like a part of me had been ripped out and inside everything hurt. Every breath I took, every beat of my heart hurt. I felt as if it was too much effort to keep on living, it was like before my heart kept on beating for Kyle but now he wasn't here anymore what was the point? I couldn't cry anymore because I didn't have any tears left, I had already shed them all last night. I didn't want to think about Kyle, the thought of not feeling his lips against mine, the thought of never looking into his warm, brown eyes hurt me. I knew I had to wake up and face everybody but I couldn't. Last night Bonnie had found me buried in Kyle's chest sobbing as the ambulance pulled up, everybody came out to see what was happening and when they saw Kyle still and lifeless in the middle of the road they all left. I went to the hospital with the girls but I knew there was nothing anybody could do for Kyle, he was gone and I would never see him again. The nurses rang my parents and they came to pick us up from the hospital, too be honest it was all a blur. From what I heard last night Kyle's parents were informed but they didn't give a sh*t that their son had died. My parents were going to organize the funeral as they were the closest thing Kyle had to real parents, Kyle was always round our house so my parents treated him like a son as he was Nick's best friend. Nick. When he saw his best friend dead in my arms..I can't even describe the pain in his eyes. I had never seen my brother cry and right then tears trailed down his cheeks. Kyle had been his best friend for six years and now he was just gone. I can't imagine how I would feel if Lexi, Bonnie or Priya were dead.

I heard a knock at the door. I sat up straight in my bed. Nobody was in the room and I could see the bright sunlight through the curtains so it must've been afternoon.

"Come in, door's open." I croaked, even though the person behind the door could've been a serial killer.

The door opened and Jay stepped in. He had bags under his eyes and he looked as if he hadn't slept all night, that's probably what I looked like right now.

"Hey. I came to check if you was okay." Jay said.

Looking at Jay I remembered Caleb. Ugh I wish I hadn't met Caleb because then I could've spent more time with Kyle. 

"I'm not going to say I'm fine because I'm not. Everything hurts Jay, I don't know how I'm going to get through this day let alone get through life without Kyle. Even if I just shared a kiss with him a couple of weeks ago I've still been in love with him for years. I just don't see how it's fair, why does he have to be taken from me?" I cried. 

Jay quickly came over to me and lay beside me on the bed, holding me. I buried my face into his chest and cried. He didn't tell me it was all going to be okay and he didn't make up some bullsh*t about how I was going to get over Kyle because we both knew Kyle was always going to hold a special place in my heart. All Jay did was let me cry until I couldn't cry anymore and stroke my hair and for that I was grateful. When I had stopped crying I looked up at Jay and saw his eyes were closed. He must've fallen asleep. He looked so young and innocent when he was asleep, it was hard to believe he was Caleb's step-brother. As I continued to stare at Jay I began to think back to what Caleb said about Jay seeing me first. That means Jay liked me all this time and didn't say anything. Wow he really was an amazing person to do that for Caleb even if Caleb didn't deserve it. Jay's eyes fluttered open and he gave me a sleepy smile. 

"Sorry for falling asleep," He murmured whilst rubbing his eyes. 

"It's okay, you looked pretty tired when you came in here."

"Yeah that's because I spent the whole night worrying about you." He blurted out. "Listen I don't know what's going to happen in the future or when this hurt is going to stop but I do know one thing. I know that I'll be here for you no matter what. Even when you go back to England and there is a whole ocean between us, ring me at 6 o'clock in the morning or 2 o'clock in the night and I will answer your calls. No matter what I will always look out for you and protect you." 

I gave a sad smile. I would be going back home on Saturday and I wouldn't see Jay but I knew that we were going to stay friends. I didn't know what to say to Jay after that so I just said thank you. It was hard to believe I had only known Jay just under a week and we were already this close. I guess some people just instantly click. 

"Oh by the way I got you something." 

I looked at Jay confused, I hadn't realised he was holding anything before but he picked up a cupcake with a candle stuck in it that he had placed on the table beside him and gave it to me. He pulled out a lighter and lit the candle. 

"Make a wish birthday girl. I know you don't feel like celebrating but a birthday wise wouldn't hurt."

I made the wish silently inside my head and blew out the candle.

"What did you wish for?" Jay asked.

"If I told you it won't come true." I whispered. 

I had wished that wherever Kyle was, that he was in a better place and happy, I wished that he was looking over me and knew how much he meant to me. I wish he knew that no matter what happens in my life, that even when I get married and have kids he will always have a special place reserved for him in my heart as he was and always will be my first true love.