chapter 11

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  "@Harry_Styles: @CharlieParkerx this time i'm not leaving without you."

My stomach was a gymnast, doing all sorts of flips and summersaults as I read the tweet over and over again. This time I’m not leaving without you. What could this mean… Damnit Haz what did this imply? I was a total x-factor directioner; I had always kept up to date with all of their tweets. So I sat here with that state of mind, being a complete and utter over analyst, trying to decipher such simple context. Was this just a totally meaningless response or was this a Zayn Malik tweet?.. One that was deep and went beyond the words written and confused the hell out of everyone with its secrecy. Technically, he was just finishing the line, but maybe... no stop it Charlie. Why was I doing this to myself? I spent weeks reconstructing my walls that had come tumbling down, and now here I was cracking over a boy who probably lost all feelings he had but never told me about. I sighed looking at it with its 50+ RETWEETS | 50+ FAVORITES in the matter of seconds. I’d promised myself to be stronger and more guarded, but I couldn’t help the fact that the little piece of my heart peaking through the cracks had hoped it wasn’t just finishing my sentence, but a promise.

I knew something had to be replied and I wanted to reply to each of them individually but what on earth was I supposed to say back to Harry? I contemplated awkwardly continuing on with the song and then realized how lame that would be and quickly ruled it out. I decided to text Lou and see what was going on with the boys before I made my formal replies.

Me: hey lou! saw me back on twitta? all five of you boys replied at once are you all together or something?! #stalkerstatus ;)

Lou: CHARLES! we all miss you… and all five? Thought it was only me li Niall and Zayn? Harry is up in his room.. I saw your tweet and we all attacked you! What did Harry say?!

Me: FWD: @Harry_Styles: this time I’m not leaving without you.

Lou: :O

Me: I KNOW! Wait why isn’t he with you guys? HELP what do I say?!

Lou: he’s been… down for the last few days. We were recording a song he wrote today that means a lot to him. We sped up the pace of it to make it a little more upbeat but I think it’s going to be an emotional one for him. But just tweet us all at once to avoid being awkward! But by the looks of that tweet, seems like things aren’t over for him yet. 

Seems like things aren’t over for him yet? The corners of my mouth curled up at the glimpse of hope that we had another chance. I backtracked in the text… A song that Harry wrote? I wondered instantly what it was about. I wanted to know every beat, every note, every word and the reason behind each one. I wondered if it was about someone. Maybe some new girl he was seeing. I jumped to every conclusion possible and found myself jealous of girls who may not even exist... I was completely irrational. I was thankful this was the Internet and not face-to-face conversation because my lack of response would have been quite the awkward silence.

@xoCharlieParker: @Louis_Tomlinson @NiallOfficial @Real_Liam_Payne @zaynmalik @Harry_Styles chuffed to be seeing ALL of you in two weeks at the @edsheeran concert! absolutely stoked! Xxxxx kisses for all!

I kept it general and tweeted them all at once. And planted five kisses purposely. One automatically capitalized. I decided that was Harry’s.

 HARRY

I hated myself for leaving the way I did. I still saw her face in my mind as we drove away whenever I closed my eyes. It killed me to leave after so little time with her. In the moment, it felt like the only thing to do was runaway without word. But not only was it selfish, it was the exact opposite of what I should have done. I didn’t want to leave her hurt; I just desperately tried to avoid my own heartbreak like a pothole, swerving around it completely. I rewrote the scene in my head a million times. I should have wrapped my arms around her, held her close, and told her how I felt. I should have left her breathless with a passionate kiss to ensure she wouldn’t forget about me over the next three months… but with the way I left her, I was probably the last thing on her mind, and I couldn’t even blame her. I hope she knew it wasn’t easy for me to leave her like that, and it killed me inside. Every time I looked in the mirror regret looked back at me. I wished I could turn back time and relive the moment, but it was in the rearview mirror.

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