Sleepy. I'm sleepy. Single upload this time around people. Next chapter is not ready.
Flynn gave me and Jesse a ride back and I couldn’t help but squirm a little uncomfortably during the whole drive to our house. It wasn’t just the tension that seemed to be clinging to the air between Flynn and me but there was also a tension between Flynn and Jesse that didn’t make any sense. Had they fought?
“Well,” I mumbled when we finally pulled into our driveway. “Thanks for the ride.”
I didn’t even look at Flynn as Jesse and I climbed out. I needed some time to regroup, to get my feet back under me after that kiss. I’d accidentally glanced at his hands a couple times during the drive and I’d felt my insides begin to melt towards him to the point where I’d actually started leaning in his direction.
Because I’d looked at his hands.
I was losing it.
A raindrop landed on my nose when I was almost at the door.
“Just think about it, Flynn.”
I froze at the sound of Jesse’s voice and turned around to see the two of them, standing in front of the truck, Jesse’s arms crossed over his chest and Flynn’s hands balled into fists at his sides.
“I’ve thought about it.”
Jesse sighed and shook his head. “Fine. Just forget I said anything then,” Jesse grumbled, stalking towards me. He brushed by me and gripped the doorknob but instead of going inside, he turned to look at me, his expression hidden in shadow and before I could ask him what was wrong, he was inside.
“Flynn─” I cut off when I realized Flynn was already in his truck, his eyes on mine as he started it up and slammed it into reverse.
I blinked when he jerked his head to look over his shoulder, breaking eye contact and driving away just as another raindrop landed on my cheek.
The house was quiet when I stepped inside and slowly made my way up the stairs, trying to make sense of the day I’d just had but the mix of emotions tumbling through me was giving me a headache. I slipped into my pjs and crawled into bed, jamming my headphones over my ears and cranking the volume on the rainforest sounds that dominated my playlist.
In the past, this was where I’d found peace, usually with a chair lodged against my doorknob but at least it drowned out the sound of the constant party going on through the rest of the house.
Regular music was too harsh, too real, too filled with the same sounds that occupied my everyday life. What I wanted was peace, an escape, so I listened to nature and pretended I was somewhere else.
Nature wasn’t doing the trick.
Flynn had ruined it for me. Even before that kiss, the feeling of his arms wrapped around me had given me more calm, more peace than any recording could ever do. Now the recording was merely a mild distraction from the silence of my room.
I ripped the headphones off and slammed them against the mattress, furious with myself for letting it get this far. I’d always known I was leaving, always. Now, how was I supposed to live with the memory of what I might have had if things hadn’t gotten so screwed up four years ago, if things had gone a little differently this time around?
Flynn’s lips on mine had blown away every notion I had of walking away from this unscathed.
I needed him when I wasn’t in a position to need anything.
My heart skipped a beat at the thought of Sunday and what I would be walking into.
But another thought chased some of the panic away. It was only Tuesday.
Before I could think it through, I was dressed in a pair of torn jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and a hoodie. Silently, I crept down the stairs and out of the house, keeping my footsteps light even on the driveway because my heart was pounding too hard for me to relax. When I was a block away, I broke into a jog as the rain started to come down harder and lightning split the sky. By then time I was at Flynn’s house, I’d been practically sprinting so I was out of breath and unsure of my next move.
Soaked to the bone and shaking from my run, I realized one thing.
I’m an idiot.
I was being selfish, wanting to hold him to me for the next few days so I could at least have something to push me through the rest of my life.