The Attic

Chapter 11 - Diary Entry No. 3

Date: January 24, 2003

Time: 1:02 A.M.

Dear Diary,

                I honestly had no plans of making an entry tonight, but today wasn’t ordinary for me not to tell you. I just sneaked out from our room to here in my office to write this. I didn’t want to scribble under the lampshade.

                I woke up alone again earlier this morning. That was technically yesterday, seeing that my clock displayed a time past midnight already.

                The only part of Stella that remained in the house when I went downstairs was the breakfast she prepared before leaving the house. I felt someone kiss me on the cheek some time at dawn, but I’m not sure. Maybe I was dreaming.

                There’s still a lot of work to do and I’m finding it hard to balance my personal time with the design I’m working on. This project of mine is special unlike the others because it will be a symbolic figure once finished. Though I have more than enough time to complete it, which I’m confident I will, I never take chances. I don’t want cramming at the last minute. If I screw this up, I’ll have no other person to blame except myself.

                It’s just that I don’t want to disappointment the people that trusted me with this. The lead architects in our firm looked up to me with such high esteem since I started working with them.

                It was up to me to feed the cats. With Stella away, it’s my responsibility. Everyday our pets consume two cans of cat food. I’m very sure that she won’t forgive if I fed them leftovers.

                I’ve been working since morning and I’m proud to say that I’m making considerable progress. Never have I drank this much coffee in my life, seeing myself working non-stop. Only when I heard the door open and close did I remember that I had a companion in the house. I was so consumed by this design that I had no time to go out and check who it was. I assumed that it was Stella. I was too busy to go out and see for myself.

                I haven’t watched television for days now, clueless with the current events. So far, the last I heard were four people whose live were claimed by a bushfire and at the same time destroyed more than five hundred houses somewhere in Australia, but that was last week. I think it was in Canberra, but I’m not sure anymore.

                She knocked on my office to ask me if I wanted to have dinner with her, or if I just wished for her to bring it to me. I didn’t want to risk smearing my precious design with sauce or whatever could ruin it, so I told her that I’d follow her shortly to the dining room.

                 To my surprise, I noticed that she’s brought out a fine tablecloth to replace the old one we had. I found the food excellently garnished, and I knew by then that she took time to prepare them. She wasn’t in the dining room to see how I admired what she’s done. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and I was speechless when I saw her. Stella didn’t wear common clothes. She had on her a purple dress, but I wasn’t sure if it was really purple. I’m an architect, not a painter, and I still confuse purple with violet. I figured she bought it to wear for me tonight. If she did it to impress me, then she sure did.

                I never guessed what happened next. She kissed me, and then said that she missed me while we embraced. I was stunned at how I got teary as she rested her chin on my shoulder, and I hugged her tight. I missed her too. I apologized for how I’ve been caught up with my work, and I promised to finish it as soon as I could.

                She told me she’s doing fine at the new company. Though that was good news, she told me not to overwork and not to forget to spend some time for myself too. I knew for sure that what she meant was time for us, but she just didn’t know how to say it without passing onto me the guilt.

                Part of what I’m going to earn from this design I’m working on almost full-time would go to the most expensive engagement ring I would find. I’ll make our wedding worth her wait. Although we’re now under the same roof, it seems that nothing has changed at all. We’re not living as a couple, just like when we had our separate places. Nevertheless, this is the first step, and the hard part is over. The new challenge is how to keep this relationship alive despite the conflicts. I know I have my lapses and shortcomings, but still, she made the first move.

                With you as my witness, I swear I’d be a better man for her from now on.