You don’t really feel anything
It’s like… you’re numb
Like your brain’s shutdown and what you’re doing is robotic
You just know that you need to
That once it’s done, things will be better
Even if it is for a little a while
Just something to take the pain away
Just for a little while
It’s simple really, so damn easy
You just pick it up and use it
Use it how?
Slide it across, scrape it till you bleed
Just anything to make you feel alive for those few moments
And then what?
You look down at yourself… Disgusted
You’re weak, pathetic
You lower yourself to this and you know there’s no way out
“A never ending fucking cycle”
You get up and you face the world
Show them that you’re strong
That everything is okay
Everything is fine
But inside, every single day
A bit of you is dying
Slowly chipping away and leaving nothing but a empty, hollow shell
You feel so damn alone
Like you’re suffocating
Everyone expects something of you
You feel like the world is pushing down on you, just waiting for you to break
But you try so damn hard not to
So what is it exactly that we do?
Are we living?
Are we dead?
Are we fighting?
Are we surviving?
Or are we just screaming silently to the world to help us, but know that no one is listening
Hope that one day things won’t be like they are now
That one day, we’ll wake up in the morning and think
“I'm glad I’m alive, because if I weren’t then the sun wouldn’t be as beautiful as it is right now”
But that time is a long way away yet
Because first we need to realise that the only thing stopping us from having the end we all wish for
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to that point
I just hope I realise soon that where I’m at now is not how my life needs to be like forever
I can change it if I want to
And I hope you can see that too…