dear j

[10]

march 2, 2011

dear j,

 

                i was mad at you.

                yes, i was.

                you asked me if it was okay to hang out with you during the free time and i nodded because i wanted to hang out with you. you told me to meet you at the park.

                and here i was at the park.

                for five long hours, waiting for you.

                i went home when it was getting dark. i heard my phone ring and it was you who called but i didn’t answer because i was pissed you stood up on me. i was waiting, feeling dejected as the seconds go by but you didn’t come. you kept calling me until i gave up and answered you on a three a. m.

                “hello,” i answered in a monotonous tone.

                “i’m so sorry i wasn’t able to go—“

                “it’s fine.” i was still mad at you. i could hear a nervous chuckle from the end of the line.

                “we can do it sometime then?” you offered.

                “no.” and the line went dead.

--&--

 

march 2, 2012

 

dear j,

 

                andrew is in front of my doorstep. i stop and stare at him. he was drenched in the weather, his hazel—now he told me that sometime—but are actually blue because of his blue shirt are on mine. a frown is casted on his lips. i glare at him and shut the door.

                “a,” he calls, the nickname you’ve given me. i stiffen. i miss you, j, and him calling me my nickname is making me feel sick, sicker than the sickest patient in the hospital.

                “go away,” i tell him, proceeding to push him but he won’t budge. i’m alone in this house just like i am.

                “not until i check on you,” he insists.

                i sigh. “you’re j’s  girlfriend,” he starts.

                tears brim in my eyes.

                “leave me alone.”

                he raises his hands in surrender.

                “i’m sorry, j has been my friend too,” he says.

                “go. away.” gritting my teeth, i push him and he falls out of balance. i feel bad a bit but he deserves it. he leaves, a worry look on his face. i glare in return and slam the door shut. i hate that i met him in the coffee shop, that i have classes with him.

                i want him to leave me alone.

 

forever yours,

a

--&--

the feels. the fault in our stars.