The Secretary of the People's Provincial Administrator turned over the next page of the book he was reading. It was a children's book of interesting facts and pieces of knowledge of the highest mountain, biggest city variety. The book was actually American and the Secretary had borrowed it from a friend in the Censorship department. Although Chinese, the Secretary could read English, Russian and German fluently. Suddenly the word "China" caught his eye, and he read the paragraph.
"It has been calculated that if all the people in China jumped off a three foot height, it would cause massive earthquakes on the other side of the world."
The Secretary reread the section with interest and then spun the antique globe on his desk. Opposite China ... that would be more or less ... the United States! He laughed excitedly to himself, what an idea! The ultimate secret weapon. Would it really cause an earthquake? The Secretary itched to find out. What if he ...? Yes, he would do it. He'd send out instructions for everyone to jump off a three foot height at twelve o'clock in five days time. He wouldn't tell anyone the real reason why though, just in case it didn't work. He would say it was part of the Nationwide Physical Fitness Program, a compulsory part. In fact it would be best not to sign his name, just use the Administrator's seal. What a commendation he would get if the prediction came true, and if it didn't, well, there was no harm done.
Smiling gleefully, the secretary began sending out the instructions "... every citizen ... three feet ... 12pm Friday ..." Soon the words were on their way throughout China. One of the first to receive the message was an American spy, who was quick to send it on to Washington. There it was received by a General in a bad mood.
"Anything the commies can do, we can do better," he snarled and send out a message requesting every American citizen to jump off a four foot height at 8pm on Thursday evening. He didn't bother to tell anyone the real reason why either. He'd simply say it was a compulsory part of the newest reality TV program. If the Chinese were going to send him an earthquake, he'd send them one back. And if it didn't work, well, there was no harm done. Just to be on the safe side though, he wouldn't sign it, just seal it.
One of the first people to receive the message was a Russian spy, who quickly passed it on to Moscow. There it was received by a KGB colonel who had just received a similar one from a spy in China. Unable to decide whether it was a trick or a joke, he contented himself with pronouncing both parties idiots and settling down to watch the results.
At precisely 12pm Chinese time and 8pm American time, approximately 1500,000,000 people left the Earth and returned to it a second later. Two colossal tremors rippled through the Earth going towards each other at hundreds of miles per hour. They met with terrific force just as the Secretary and the General were going online to see if any news was up yet.
The splitting of the earth was carefully recorded by Voyager 2, speeding on its way out of the solar system and on to the stars.