vitreous / hs. (DISCONTINUED)

a shiver of want

hey I just wanted to address something real quick before we get into the chapter. I appreciate all the comments so much. especially the ones on this book just because they're the most genuine and heartfelt and honest and that makes me so happy.

whenever i'm feeling down I shit you not I come to read some of the comments for this book and it lightens my mood. anyways, back to the point, I admire every single comment, but I just want you to know that I am not romanticizing self-harm or mental disorders.

i'm showcasing the effect they have on humans and how serious they are and that they do take lives and are so so so awful and they need to be addressed seriously. i'm also addressing that whoever it is, whoever is affected, can always be helped.

no one has told me that i'm romanticizing them, but I just wanted to say it. I love it when you guys tell me this is "tragically beautiful", but please always keep in mind that mental disorders such as anorexia and depression aren't tragically beautiful.

again, thank you so much for the lovely comments. please don't ever stop commenting I love hearing what you guys think and it makes me so happy. even if it's criticism. don't hesitate to comment! long ones are the best. love you guys.

this is a very long chapter I don't know if I should apologize or not

song at the side: last night thoughts - AaRON

picture on the side: atlas beaudelaire aka anais pouliot

V I T R E O U S - T H I R T E E N

atlas

He smiled, but it didn't look genuine enough. It was just a dumb pressed smile with no meaning and absolutely no glint behind his eyes.

I grabbed his hands in mine, and although it felt like I had brittle twigs in between my fingers I held them hard enough to make him look at me. He blinked once and the corners of his mouth dropped.

"Hey," I said lightly. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not a nurse."

"I know," he sighed.

"Look me in the eyes and smile." I told him. "Smile for real, I know you're happy somewhere."

He kept his gaze on his lap. "Not here."

"Yeah but you are somewhere else. You're happy somewhere."

I felt his hands start to shake in mine and he slowly looked up at me with tears in his eyes, his chapped lips trembling. "Atlas... I'm not happy."

"Don't say that-"

"I'm not. It's so hard. I try, you know. I try a lot but it doesn't work Atlas I'm never happy I'm so sad I'm so sad." He started to grip my hands tighter and tighter as his voice cracked.

His shoulders were shaking now, and his ivory cheeks were stained with tears as he silently cried in front of me. I didn't know what to tell him to make him stop, because when I cried nothing ever made me stop.

"Arrow, God don't cry." I told him, my voice trembling at the sight. I didn't like this; seeing him cry was like seeing a beautiful statue crumble into pieces.

He avoided looking me in the eyes as he almost always did. He took his lip between his teeth, bit real hard and squeezed his eyes shut. More tears fell and he whimpered, nearly caving in on himself as he hunched over and hid his face from me.