You will never know how I feel, it's better that way...
How do you live everyday, knowing that you'll never be good enough for anyone?
Answer; simple...you don't.
But then how do you take your own life knowing that you're leaving behind your whole world?
Again, very simple...you don't.
Do you see my dilemma? I have no reason to die, yet I have no reason to live. I'm caught in between the middle of the beginning and the end. Obviously I choose to live as I'm still standing on this bridge. You see, the thing with me is that I'm not brave enough to take that step. I'm thinking about other people when I should bloody well be thinking about myself.
I feel hands come around my waist and pull me into the sidewalk.
How did I know? Well I didn't...but who else could it be? It couldn't be my mother cause I haven't seen her since Sunday, and today's Wednesday.
"Sandy!!!" Luke's shaking me. I wonder what his problem is. I feel numb.
"Yeah?" I say, and take a step back. His scent was making me feel butterflies. Gosh Luke, can't you see you're killing me?
"What are you doing out here this late???" He asks.
"I don't know. Thinking I guess."
"I don't know. What do people think about?"
"Come on, I'll take you home..." he says, reaching for my hand.
"No that's fine, I don't want to interrupt your plans." I say.
"I don't know. You always have plans."
"Well I'm never too busy for my best friend. You do know you can count on me right?"
I'm his best friend.
"I'm being serious Sandy, nothings ever as important as you. You're my little sister eh?"
"Where's Abby?" I ask.
"I don't know, haven't seen her since after school. We were supposed to go to the movies, and Abby told me to invite you, but I couldn't find you, so we cancelled."
Now I feel like a cow. I ruined his plans. He probably hates me.
Never mind. We're now at a draw; Life -1 Death-1
How about we make a deal, if death reaches 5 points before life, I take my life. How does that sound? Good? Good.
"I'm sorry Luke. I'll make it up to you. You don't even have to drive me home, I'll walk, and I was just about to leave anyways."
"Come on Sandy. Stop being a drama queen and get in the car." Luke says.
I just smile and get in the car.
"So what where you doing by the bridge anyway?" Luke asks casually.
"Nothing much. I wanted to jump off, no biggie" I answer.
"And what changed your mind?" he asked.
He was being calmer than I thought. Which is good, I think...
"Oh you know, this and that" I said.
After a couple of seconds he pulled up, but not at my house. He got out and came to my side of the car.
He opened the door,
"Sandy, listen to me. Are you listening?"
I just nod. His eyes...
"You don't just wake up one day and randomly decide to go jump off a bridge! What's wrong?"
I just shrug. My heart is swelling up.
"How can I help you if you don't tell me what's wrong?"
"It's nothing Luke, honest. And their my problems"
I was trying hard not to cry.
"No, from now on, they are our problems. Got it?"
I nod again.
"Good. Now can you give me a hug" he says, smiling.
I get out of the car and hug him. I'm so short, my head goes up only halfway his chest.
He was squeezing me. I don't know, I find hugging uncomfortable.
"Can't breathe here..." I say.
"Well too bad, hug me back will you" and then I put my hands around his back. It felt nice. In an odd sort of way, I felt complete.
We went back to my house, it was like 7pm. He dropped me off and went wherever.
I was exhausted. I literally fell on my bed.
After what felt like a few minutes, someone was shaking me.
"Sandy..." As soon as I heard his voice, all sleep went away.
"Luke?" I said, getting up.
|Evanna Lynch||as Sandy|
|Chad Michael Murray||as Luke|
|Matthew Gray Gubler||as Derrick|
|Hilarie Burton||as Tessa|
|Avril Lavigne||as Lizzy|