How do you live everyday, knowing that you'll never be good enough for anyone?
Answer; simple...you don't.
But then how do you take your own life knowing that you're leaving behind your whole world?
Again, very simple...you don't.
Do you see my dilemma? I have no reason to die, yet I have no reason to live. I'm caught in between the middle of the beginning and the end. Obviously I choose to live as I'm still standing on this bridge. You see, the thing with me is that I'm not brave enough to take that step. I'm thinking about other people when I should bloody well be thinking about myself.
I feel hands come around my waist and pull me into the sidewalk.
How did I know? Well I didn't...but who else could it be? It couldn't be my mother cause I haven't seen her since Sunday, and today's Wednesday.
"Sandy!!!" Luke's shaking me. I wonder what his problem is.
I feel numb.
"Yeah?" I say, and take a step back. His scent was making me feel butterflies. Luke, can't you see you're killing me?
"What are you doing out here this late???" He asks.
"I don't know. Thinking I guess."
"I don't know. What do people think about?"
"Come on, I'll take you home..." he says, reaching for my hand.
"No that's fine, I don't want to interrupt your plans." I say.
"I don't know. You always have plans."
"Well I'm never too busy for my best friend. You do know you can count on me right?"
I'm his best friend.
"I'm being serious Sandy, nothings ever as important as you. You're my little sister eh?"
"Where's Abby?" I ask.
"I don't know, haven't seen her since after school. We were supposed to go to the movies, and Abby told me to invite you, but I couldn't find you, so we cancelled."
Now I feel like a cow. I ruined his plans. He probably hates me.
Never mind. We're now at a draw; Life -1 Death-1
How about we make a deal, if death reaches 5 points before life, I take my life. How does that sound? Good? Good.
"I'm sorry Luke. I'll make it up to you. You don't even have to drive me home, I'll walk, and I was just about to leave anyways."
"Come on Sandy. Stop being a drama queen and get in the car." Luke says.
I just smile and get in the car.
"So what where you doing by the bridge anyway?" Luke asks casually.
"Nothing much. I wanted to jump off, no biggie" I answer.
"And what changed your mind?" he asked.
He was being calmer than I thought. Which is good, I think...