Moonstone Romance [boyxboy]

Chapter Five

Chapter Five (Rylan's POV)

Why did he have to ask that?

I hated it when people asked stupid things! And with that look on his face like I had just shattered every dream he'd had... I felt like some kind of villian out of a cheap Spanish soap opera and it made my stomach clench so tightly, I felt like I was going to puke.

I couldn't be around him right now. Or anyone else.

I just wanted to be alone.

When you were alone, no one could hurt you. No one could use you. You didn't have to worry about being betrayed or abandoned.

You only had yourself.

The only one in the world you could trust.

That's what I've been telling myself for years and it had gotten me through life pretty swiftly. I tried hard not to get attached to Aidan or Raven or my adoptive parents, not even Cal was on the list of people I was attached to.

At least, that's what I had been trying for. The moment Cal hit puberty and he could become human, I felt like he'd just set up a battlefront at the gates of the wall I had worked so hard to build. It was built on distrust, suspicion, anger, hatred, and strength. All of it bundled together in stones that I was sure no one could penetrate.

All it took was one blue-eyed, innocent look from Cal and the first stone fell.

He confessed his feelings for me and down came another. When Scythe informed us of our being mates, another stone followed the first two. One by one, they began to crumble and fall down on top of me.

And I hated it.

Who did he think he was?

My mate, duh, I thought bitterly at myself as I bolted through the woods, just running around the borders to exercise and cool off. I had almost slapped Cal when I realized the thoughts running through my brain.

Hit Cal?

I couldn't do it. Not when he was looking at me like that.

I tried to stay rough, tried to stay strict and merciless, but when it came to Cal, I couldn't do it. I took it out on him during sex because the adrenaline of it all was controlling me and mixing that with anger led to the pain.

It didn't help that he kept reminding me of it.

I know I was hurting him.

I know it was wrong.

Don't get attached, I told myself, but it was too late.

Cal was latched onto me like a leech and he wasn't letting go any time soon. Or so it seemed.

But Cal wasn't special.

He was like everyone else.

He'd suck the blood right out of me until he realized I was unlovable, then he'd take off. It was just the way things went. I didn't like that outcome, it was why I tried to stop the attachment in the first place, but I had stupidly let it happen.

Now, I didn't want to let him go. I had to fight to urge to grab him and never let go. Fight the urge to cradle him. Part of me longed so much to do what a normal couple would do. I wanted to know everything about Cal. His favorite color, favorite food, all of his hobbies and thoughts. I wanted to take him out to eat. I wanted to buy him gifts. I wanted to lavish him with all of my attention.

But the rational part of me knew that it would only make my grave deeper. I would be signing my own death warrant by caving into all those wants.

I couldn't let Cal get past whatever was left of my wall.