Survive

when it's below freezing and you're on your own      you survive      you learn to strive for the moments of warmth      of hope      of a good meal      you learn to ignore the stares      the finger pointing      the screaming whispers      you live for the sake of living      not even trying to thrive      just to survive      two days ago asking for spare change from people      watching fear pass over them      not long enough for me to reassure them I'm not dangerous      before annoyance takes over their thoughts      to them I'm just another screw up      another less fortunate soul that they don't have time to spare a dollar for      who needs friends      who needs fake allies that would mug you for that sandwich you got yesterday      who needs people      I sure as hell don't      they call me Tears      crying isn't a hobby      it's a need      not being understood is my life      the weakness of life is all that gets me through the day      knowing how untrustworthy it is      two weeks ago      I met this girl      called herself Un      when asked why she rattled off a list of words      curses for her      unworthy      unreliable      unloved      the last I saw of her she was on the bridge next to the old mill      whiskey bottle in hand      before life dropped her over the edge      I'm no screw up      I'm not even that insane       if you got to know me      you would see      but you're too busy driving around      going to work      taking care of the kids      you      in your cozy house      me out on the street       on my own       but honestly      I don't want what you have      coming from experience if you want something in life you have to reach out and grab it      I wanted freedom      so I grabbed it and got what I wanted      so no      don't stick your nose up at me      until you've walked in my shoes you can't possibly judge my life      or how I just survive