Dear, best friend.

Dear Best Friend,

If only I could turn back time, I would have lied to you on that fateful day you asked me if I have a spare pen. If only I could undo the past, I would have shook my head and resume back to writing my notes. If only. Alas, I couldn't.

My memory is still fresh. I remember that day vividly, everything happened which made our lives intertwined together.

You were my seatmate that day, chosen by our formidable teacher. We we're only in Third Year High School, and yet I knew you we're the most sought-out, most charming and most popular boy on our school. I didn't care--why should I? Your popularity, as well as your existence, was completely none of my business.

You asked me if I have a spare pen. I did. Lots of them, being the top notcher I was. You gave me a wide smile as I handed you the pen, and I must admit, I was strucked by how amazing and sincere your smile was.

From that day onwards, you we're my tail. You trailed me. Hang out with me. I find it irritating at first. However, your carefree smile and twinkling laugh began to grow upon me. I looked forward to going to school- to meet, to eat, and to talk with you. Even seeing you became important. I did not know, but now I know, that back then, I already loved you.

We became the best of friends. I visited your home, you visited mine. After three months, we we're inseperable. You once insisted to me that I should call your mom as my MOM. We made pancakes. We fought over our turns on the laptop. You gave me a handkerchief that year, as a Christmas gift, handsewn. I gave you a pillow. We talked endlessly on the phone, and you heard me snore when I fell asleep in your bed.

I also remembered the time I got saved by you. I foolishly jumped in the pool, thinking I could reach the bottom. After you noticed I didn't resurface after a few moments, you knew then I was drowning. As my best friend, you acted as my hero and saved me. Afterwards, you gave me the pleasure of being reminded that I owe my life to you. I cried and you laughed, and we made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches later.

We graduated. I was surprised you even made it on the top ten. I gave my speech, glancing at you every few seconds. It made me calm, seeing your angelic face, smiling at me and giving me the best encouragement you could give.

Many years went by before the question dawned at me-- Am I inlove with my best friend? I tortured myself by asking that same question for a whole week. At the end of the seven days, I cried. I knew the answer but I'm afraid of it. I laughed and cried. Crazily. I wanted to mock myself. How in bloody hell would you reciprocate  my feelings? Me, the girl whose nose was always buried in a book. The nerdy student.  The unpretty, unpopular one. The exact opposite of you.

I hid my feelings. They we're better off hidden. Time flew and we grew up. I still love you, but sadly, I don't have the guts to tell you that.

Then you met her. The one who turned to be your reason for living. I marveled at how you quickly drifted  from me, at how you immediately forgot my existence. It was not alright to me. Yet I gave in. I sacrificed my happiness for your own. You we're my Achilles' Heel. I wasn't yours.

Two years, Two long, miserable years that you weren't by my side. What can I say? You're not my property. You turned into a stranger. Cold. Distant. Unknown.

After those years, you finally remembered your best friend. Wow! Was she that interesting enough for you to forget caring about me? I asked you sarcastically. Your eyes show a hint of apology, but you denied that you didn't knew what I was talking about. I just told you, nevermind. But you we're sorry. Touché. 

Months passed. We communicated constantly. I still love you. You still didn't know.

Days afterwards, I received a letter from you. An invitation. For what? Marriage.My life crumbled to pieces when I opened it. To say that my heart was broken is an understatement. It was shattered. Words cannot express what I felt that day. My heart.. shattered into tiny little pieces I knew that will take forever to mend.

I turned into a robot.

Since that day onwards, I swore to myself I won't love anymore. I can. How? After you received this letter, I would simply be gone from Earth.

Today, I walked down the aisle, wearing a white, pretty gown. You we're waiting at the end, at the altar. But not for me. For the girl of your life, for the one who walked after me, face shining so radiantly and eyes lovely. With a painted smile, I painfully looked at the bride--your bride. My heart swelled from different emotions. That moment, I died.

I'm still wishing you didn't borrow my pen. Because from that moment on, you entered my life without permission.

Love,

Alexes