Most people do not understand just how demanding the music industry can be. Being a rock god, as I am, is not easy. Its tough being so talented (not to mention so damned attractive).
Anyway, now that the last of the bandages have been removed I am beginning to remember our last concert. It started out great. We were rockin, the crowd was screamin, everyone was havin a kick ass time. Then it all happened; Im talkin domino effect.
While I was screamin out the lyrics to our latest, greatest, darkest anthem,"Grueling Death", a bug flies into my mouth. I tried to spit it out but the shittin thing flies right down my throat and gets lodged in my windpipe. I feel like im dying and I dont know what to do. At this point my drummer realizes im choking and runs up to perform the hard rock version of the heimlich manuever (he punches me in the gut with all his might.) The bug becomes dislodged and I now see that it is a wasp! As soon as the bastard leaves my gasping esophagus it lands on my face and starts to sting the hell out of me. While the wasp is camped out on the tip of my nose with its stinger embedded at full length my guitarist rushes forward and smashes me in the face with his instrument.
"I think I got the little fucker!" He screams as blood begins to gush from my nose and the insect flies away unharmed.
"Grueling Death" is the last song in our set and we just can not seem to get through it. Once again we start to play and the crowd is gettin riled up. Things actually go pretty smooth....for a while.
At this concert we are being filmed from above by a blimp that is circling the stadium. Just as I am belting out a long, loud vocal masterpiece some idiot drops his camera out of the blimp window and starts the second disaster of the evening. The camera drops onto the stage and strikes an amp sending it hurtling at what seemed like the speed of light against my back. The force of the blow causes me to soar into the air and come crashing down on the cement off of the front of the stage. Excited fans think i must be out there to crowd surf and lift me up on top of the audience. I get passed around the stadium for a bit with every hand that touches me sending excruciating pain throughout my body. It feels like every bone in my body is either broken or protruding from my bruised skin. Somehow I manage to make my way back onto the stage and grab the microphone; this is the last tune, I must finish it. At this point I was just hoping we wouldnt overload the power grid since we were now an amp short.
While I am doing my best to sing the last verse of the song (its kind of hard with no teeth), what I had feared happens. The power grid begins to overload due to too much wattage through too few amps and an electrical shock makes its way through the stadium. Luckily everyone was still safe. Well almost everyone. Unfortunately I was standing in a puddle from a tiny little rain cloud that had for some reason only sprung a leak over top of me. The shock sends the microphone and my flailing body straight up in the air. I fall back to earth with a tremendous thud landing flat on my back. Just as I am checking to see if I am alright the microphone stand plummets to earth and lands directly on my face. That was when I lost consciousness.
Anyway, I am healing up nicely and I am sure I will be up there rockin in no time at all. After all when one is a mega superstar such as myself one learns to put bad experiences behind them and move on. In fact, our next show will be our greatest ever. I just know it. However next time I think we will skip Grueling Death.