A Lost Direction (A One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 5- Loss

Hello everyone

Look I'm really sorry about not upload sooner I just wanted to do some more chapters in another one of my stories and I have had HEAPS of homework the last few weeks so I have just never got around to updating this story.

I don't know how long this story will be, I'll try my best to make it as long as I can but I will really really really need help after a while.

The rest of the story will mostly be in Louis' point of view but if it changes then I'll let you know.

And yes I will continue this story and I'll do better with updating sooner. I know where I want to go with the story now!!

<3SarahStyles<3

Harry's funeral was very private. Just us, his family and a few other people that I didn't know. It had been quick then my best friend in the whole world was placed in the ground to sleep forever. Words can not begin to describe how I feel at the moment.

The fans don't know yet. We haven't said anything to them because Management want to keep it hushed up. But that can't last forever. We're going on our world tour soon, and they are gonna notice that Harry is missing.

I think they want to try and find a replacement for him but I know that the fans won't be fooled. They'll know it's not him, I'll know it's not him.

I haven't seen the other boys much over the last few days. We have just been keeping to ourselves, just giving each other some space. When I did see them how ever, they looked as messed up as I do. Zayn has with drawn into him self and has hardly said a word to anyone for days. He just sits in the corner, looking off into space. It must be his way of grieving. Well his the only one who hasn't cried yet. Liam has been really really quiet and has locked himself in his room for the last two days and hasn't said a word to anyone. But we hear him crying at night, when the night mares that do often plague my mind, haunt him as well. As for Niall, well his the only one that is trying to cheer everyone up. You can tell that his hurting but he tries to get Liam out of bed, tries to get Zayn to eat something and is trying to get me to smile.

But I won't. I can't. I will never be happy again. This feeling of emptiness has sprung up inside of me and I don't think that it ever wants to leave.

I miss him so much. Things just keep getting harder day by day. I have been staying at Niall's place since it happened because I'm too scared to go back to mine. Too scared of the memories that are attached to that place. And I think in part, it's because I don't want to be alone. I was use to Harry being with me almost all the time that now that it's gone I feel so alone, even when I'm in a room full of people.

I haven't been dealing with it in the best way. I have been crying on and off ever since. It doesn't sound very manly but I don't give a fuck. I haven't lost it yet but it's only a matter of time before one of us cracks and I have a feeling that it will be me.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch in Niall's house, Niall's sitting next to me and Zayn was sitting with his back against the far wall. Liam had been a no show even though Niall had invited him over and tried to get him out of bed.

'You want something to eat?' Niall asked me and I shook my head.

I hadn't eaten a proper meal in days and Niall had been continuously begging me to eat something. Zayn was the same. He had stopped eating as well and nothing Niall could do was changing that.

'Please Lou, you have to eat something' Niall begged giving me puppy dog eyes.

'Fine' I said. My voice was all croaky from lack of use. Niall noticed and frowned at me, but I just got up and followed him to the kitchen.

He grabbed a loaf of bread and held it out to me.

'Want some toast?' he asked.

I nodded and grabbed the bag from his hand. I grabbed a piece out and put it in the toaster.

'You sure you only want one?'Niall said as he came around behind me.

I nodded again then went back into the lounge room and threw myself down on the couch. Niall came back in a minute later and sat down on the arm of the couch next to my head.

'Zayn do you want anything?' Niall said.

Zayn looked up and shook his head before looking back at the ground. Niall sighed heavily. 

I pressed my face into the couch cushion and closed my eyes. I was so tried. I hadn't been sleeping well lately.

'Louis your toast is done' Niall said.

'How can you tell?' I asked him, my voice muffled by the cushion.

'Because me and food have a special bond that no one understands'

I laughed dryly without much humor. I got up and headed into the kitchen. I grabbed the toast from the toaster and started to eat it, not bothering to butter it or anything. I didn't taste the food at all but I kept eating to please Niall. I headed back out into the lounge room. Niall was kneeling next Zayn, talking softly to him.

I walked out of the room. I need to sleep. Don't know if I'll be able to but I have to try. I walked into the spare bedroom and flung myself down onto the bed.

Please let this be a night with out the bad dreams. I closed my eyes and turned onto my side.

Please just one night where I don't have the nightmares.

Of course my plea goes unnoticed.