Constancy [Watty Awards 2012] *COMPLETE*

Damien

Taylor smiled at me between bites of her tuna sandwich during lunch. I can honestly say that I knew she meant kindly, but with each tuna filled grin I was getting closer and closer to puking. "Why are you smiling? Is that extra good tuna today?" I asked coolly, staring at the food I wasn't going to eat. I didn't have much of an appetite lately. The hallucinations had gone away from withdraw of my antidepressants, but there were still some things that got messed up. My appetite for one thing was constantly on the up and down. My horniness seemed to be doing that at random intervals too… well; mostly it occurred when I was in the same room as Monica.

"You just seem so happy lately," Taylor laughed. "Well, I mean, happy for you, Damien." I smiled at her and let my eyes casually wonder over the lunchroom. Monica was sitting with Kendra and Tiff like usual. She pretended to be enthralled with something they were talking about.

So much had changed, and then, this place being Bowie High, everything snapped back to normal. At least to the people who observed it went back to normal. For Damien, nothing was the same. Monica had rejoined the cheer squad despite his protests. She'd said that the exercise helped her relax and not feel so stressed out about everything. I know how it is to give up something that's supposed to help you feel better, and I wasn't going to make her go through the shit I was enduring. She'd made up with Kendra and Tiff, but now refused to have a bunch of girls following her. People listened, as she was one of the more influential figures of the school, even as a sophomore.

One thing had stayed the same throughout everything though, and it was bothering me even now as I felt happier than I'd ever been. She hadn't broken up with Greg.

"Damien, you can't ask that of me," she'd cried one evening as we read our books over at her house. I'd started to wear long-sleeved shirts instead of my armbands due to the frequency I was having to great and sometimes have a conversation with Jane. She was scared, I noticed that a lot. I never mentioned it to Monica, but the woman seemed scared out of her wits at the idea of having a child.

"How do you expect me to keep coming to your house and keep kissing you while you're still dating him?" I shot back. "Besides, all he's done is try to get in your pants."

"People will start to realize something's strange between me and you if I break up with him," Monica countered. "We'll be caught, and I know you'd get hurt because of that. They'd corner you and beat you up! Not to mention the uproar—"

"Well being discovered that you cheated on him wouldn't be that great either," I huffed.

We'd read the rest of the night and had a very long goodbye kiss. Words weren't always necessary with us.

"Yeah, well, having to go to courtrooms every other day when I'm not being the one charged does that to me," I replied to Taylor easily, standing up and grabbing my tray with the untouched food. "I'll meet you outside." I dumped my food and went outside to my favorite haunt at school. No one noticed the small nook between one of the gardening buildings and the actual school. There was some old storage stuff back there that never was moved, and no one checked back there for smokers.

I lit up and leaned against the wall, waiting.

"You're gonna die of lung cancer at this rate."

I closed my eyes with a smile on my lips between drags of my cigarette. "Yep, and I'll have a rave in the terminal ward. You should invite Jane, send her into early labor."

I felt her lean against me, her lovely heartbeat warming me from the coolness of the fall air. "Hm, tempting, but I don't really want to see her give birth. I'd much rather have a party at my house."

I imagined she wasn't talking about a party involving a ton of people. I smirked and flicked my cigarette to the ground and stomped it out before holding Monica by the forearms and kissing her deeply. When we pulled away she coughed and muttered, "Ugh, you really should have a mint before you kiss me after you smoke."

I smirked. A shrill ringing sounded over the grounds. I sighed. Our time together was getting shorter and shorter by the second. We could hardly get past the playful banter these days. "Look, tonight we need to write the report for Moby Dick. Considering we both only read the footnotes, we'll have to work sort of harder on it. Why don't we meet at your house for a change?" she said quickly, replacing her lipstick and sticking a mint in her mouth in such a quick succession I was lost in her quick movements.