Scarred (on hold)

Chapter 6...

I'm going through this horrible writers block, but coz i promisd u Sumzy, I'll upload. If its rubbish, sorry. 

 'The only antidote to mental suffering, is physical pain.'

************************************************************************************************************I stood up. "No! you can't." I choked out. He turned to look at me. His eyes glaring. "what.." I cut him off. I could feel Leah and Jake's peircing glare. "Leah, can you give us a minute please. Me and my..." My throat felt dry.   "...dad." i forced the word out of my mouth. He's not my dad. He never was and never will be. "we just need to talk." i continued. A part of me wished she'd say no and stayed while the other wanted her to go. She stood up. "yeah sure, I'm just going out to grab something to eat, you want anything?" I shook my head. I watched as her and Jake both walked down the coridoor. I saw Jake look back once more before turning and walking away.

I felt a shiver run down my spine as i turned to face him. My dad. I shuddered at the thought of it. I stayed silent. Saying anything will just get him pissed off. Maybe he'll just walk off and let it pass. Impossible. "what the hell made, you think, i was going to listen to a prick like you. Your nothing. You little piece of shit. You think you can tell me who i can and can't meet. Like I care what you say. I can see my wife whenever I want and you can't stop me!" He poked me in the arm.

"she's not your wife, not for long anyways.' I snapped at him. How could he call her his wife after all of this? 

"well, well ,well. Now you'll tell me if she's my wife? Don't you remember what i just told you. You are nothing, you peice of shit. Speaking of remembering, remeber that day, the day I was leaving, what happened?" he scoffed.

I gasped. I could feel the hairs standing at the back of my neck. How could he say that? His words were slowly slowly cutting in to me. I stared at him, and blinked back my tears. He won't see me cry. No. "no, I haven't forgotten that day.  I still remember it, as clear as anyhing, so that's why I'm telling you, back off. You're not my dad, and your not my mums husband." My hands trembled. Did I say too much? What's he going to do? It's a hospital, he can't do much, right? I can't keep up this fake bravado, I'm going to crumble. Soon, real soon. 

He opened his mouth to answer, yet a nurse approached us. "Mr. Smith, I was just informed by the doctors, that Mrs.Smith's intenal bleeding is under control, yet she is suffering from severe pulmonary Edema. " I looked at her with a confused face. "It means she has water in her lungs." Mum. "But, she'll be fine, right? Nothing will happen to her?" I urged the nurse. She is going to get better. Nothing will happen to her. Nothing. "I'm sorry, but her chances of survival are very low. But we are trying are best to do everything we can." My legs buckled. No. Mum. No. Nothing can happen to her. These doctors don't know a thing. Mum will never leave me and go. Never.  I gasped for breath as i felt my chest constricting in on me. Mum.

"she's on her way up, atleast I don't have to pay alimony anymore.  So your on your own from now, but don't worry, sammy." I could her the malice in his voice. I panted for breath once again.He stroked my hair. I froze. "I'll take good care of you." he said viciously whilst yanking and grabbing my hair. The pain was excruciating. My chest and my head both hurt. "you..your..just..get.." I fumbled for  words between my short breaths. Smirking he let go, nd walked away, whistling.

The room began to spin around me, I tried to move, but failed. Every limb had gone stiff. I cried out in pain as i tried to move my fingers. "aah.." Silent tears strolled down my face. A nurse ran to me and caught my head before it hit the hard and cold floor. "calm down, breathe in, and breathe out." she chanted calmly. After a while the room stopped spinning and began to hold ground. "are you okay, hun?" she asked. I nodded. I stood up, my body was still tingling. I pushed open the door to the bathroom and found it to be empty. I walked up to the sink and splashed my face. The water did nothing to refresh me, instead it made me feel weaker. I sat down on the cold lineleum floor.

Thoughts whizzed through my mind. Mum's dying. James will never leave me. Junior. Losing everything. That day when he was leaving, "please, dad, please. No! DAD!!!" . Pain. Anguish. Loss. I felt the sudden urge to scream to release everything i was feeling. I patted my pockets, and felt my pocket knife. I made it a habit to carry it once James had been arrested. I rolled up my sleeves. My old scars were there fading but still there. I passed my finger over them. I'd promise i'd never do it again. Just this once. 

I pushed the knife against my skin. The cold metal greeted my skin welcomingly. I felt the knife slice open my skin. It was as easy as biting into butter. Warm, crimson blood trickled out the cut. Bliss. Uttter bliss. Although my arm was throbbing, for some reason It felt good. I did the same on the other arm too. 

After what felt like ages, but was only a few minutes. I stood up and washed my arms. They stung. The pain was almost dancing and licking the edge of the cut.  I winced. I pulled down my sleeve. The fabric of my shirt rubbed against the cut, making it uncomfortable.  I walked out the bathroom and sat back down outside my mums room. "Sam, what happened to you?" Leah asked. Worry in her voice.

"what?" I asked. What's she talking about? Does she know? How?! She pointed to me, "your top, is covered in blood." Shit! how could I forget that?  "oh..I..um," what should i say? what should i say? "i was..um, outside and there was this kid, and he was hurt and was bleeding so i just helped him into the hospital, must be his blood." I babble.  Her frown dissappeared. "oh, okay. Sam, I heard about your mum, and I'm sorry. She'll get through this hopefully." she hugged me. I felt a tear stroll down. 

How could I be so selfish, mym mum was on a hospital bed, dying and all i can do is think about myself. I'm a disgraceful daughter. Mum, you can't leave me. You have to fight through this. We'll fight this. Together. 

"The nurse said you can sit by your mum, but only your allowed. So i'll sit outside, okay?" she told me. I shook my head. "nah, Leah, you go, you look exhausted. I'll be fine. I promise." I told her. She looked wary at first. "call me, if you need me. alright?" i nodded. After 10 minutes of persuasion, both Leah and Jake left.  I pushed open the door and went to sit beside my mum.

She lay on her bed with IV's and pipes all around her. The oxygen mask covered her mouth. Her fair skin looked pale, and she looked fragile. Almost breakable. Silent tears continued to fall.

I held her hand. "Mum, I'm not sure if you can hear me, but i'd just like to say, I'm sorry, for everything i've ever done. Please don't leave me and go, mum please. I can't live without you. I won't be able to bear it. please." My voice broke as i continued to plead with her. "I won't be able to live without you, ever. You're my everything, the only thing i have that's mine. Please don't go. Please."

I put my head down yet never let go of her hand. Tears continued to fall, and after god knows how long I felt myself drift off. 

I woke up to someone shaking me.  The nurse. Suddenly it all came back to me. Mum! 

"Sam..." the nurse called.

"How's mum, is she okay? Why is she so cold? Shes really cold you need to check her. She's ice." I babbled.

"sam, calm down. I need you to listen to everything I say. Okay?" she asked. I nodded. "Sam, you knew your mums health was really bad," Whats she trying to say? Mum's fine shes just cold. Nothing more. Just cold.

"I'm really sorry to say, we tried our hardest to save her. But unfortunately we couldn't save her. I'm sorry. We tried our best. But we couldn't. I'm sorry." 

I felt my entire world tumbling infront of me. My entire life came crashing down. Mum's gone. She left me and went. No! mum! You can't have gone. No! 

She's gone, she left. She never coming back.