“Two roads diverged and I-
I chose the road less traveled by,
and that has made a difference.”
-Robert Frost
~The Day I Realized I was in Charge of my Own Happiness~
By Karina Maria Burns
February 10, 2014
The day high school started, I walked into the building I would now call school with high expectations. I wanted an older boyfriend, popular and pretty friends, and I wanted to fit in.
The first day was great! I made new friends-half of which I would never talk to again- and all my teachers seemed so nice!
The second day was even better. I met a cute guy who was a junior who kept looking at me. His name was Tylor.
As the hours turned into days, I lost myself in that guy. The quiet, sad girl turned into a wild child who was here to have fun! Forget that just a week into high school I got diagnosed with severe depression, or that every night I still cried myself to sleep-I was the “cool” girl who people wanted to hang out with and be around.
At night it was another story. All the faked smiles turned into pools of tears and all the laughs turned into angry lashes at my middle with a blade of my choice-usually a nail file.
Then Tylor and I started texting each other and holding hands. Slowly, I learned to depend on this junior boy who smiled at me the second day of school. I was consumed by him. I waited on him day and night. He texted me and called me beautiful and talked about how we’d get married some day and how many kids we wanted to have.
At night, I was the same girl. All the stress of the day caught up with me and I was getting more and more miserable. I decided I was so unworthy of life, I was going to kill myself.
Tylor and I continued to talk and every time I got more and more head over heels for him. Sometimes he left me standing alone, but he always texted me back later and apologized so it didn’t matter.
My close friend Katherine was worried. She kept telling me he was older and I was going to get hurt but I didn’t believe her. Late at night when I was crying, she would text me and tell me how beautiful I was and how much I deserved to live. Tylor told me to go to bed and leave him alone and get over it or no one would like me. Every time we talked or texted, Tylor made me feel more and more sad and depressed and lost.
One day he took me to talk to a school counselor. She was really nice and helpful and taught me how to believe in myself. Tylor slowly listened and made me feel better, but after more than a minute of me acting upset, he would tell me how dumb I sounded and how I needed to snap out of it.
Finally I did. Slowly I became truly happy and I would laugh and smile all the time. I was so alive and thrilled that I still had Tylor. And yet, Katherine still continued to worry and tell me to be careful and not fall so fast. She told me to have faith in myself and not someone else because anyone can let you down.
Just days after I began living again, Tylor walked away from me and left me standing there crying. Every sweet text and word from him wasn’t real, he had a girlfriend and was going to take her camping next weekend- the same weekend he was going to take me to the homecoming dance! I was so crushed, I looked for someone to depend on, but no one was there. That person had lied to me, left me when I was weak and still needed someone to lean on.
Things got worse for me and for a while I was pretty suicidal. Then I looked around and saw that Katherine cared about me and was supporting me and there were other nice girls too. I looked around and saw for myself, no one made me.
I learned the joys of friendship and what it meant to have faith in yourself. For a while I was mad at myself because of Tylor, but I was able to let it go. I learned that you should only depend on yourself.
Now when I look back, I am glad I knew Tylor.He taught me a hard lesson-that the only person responsible for your happiness is yourself. Thank you Tylor!
