Skinny Love [ON HOLD]

Chapter 8

We walked along the grassy flat surface, James’ cart rattling quietly.

“Remember that time when Miles and James tacky backed Mr. Shaw’s chair?” I looked at the boys and they started laughing. It was funny, looking back to when we were all kids at school. In my eyes no-body had changed but I think that’s because, out of everyone, I’d changed the most.

“I love the fact that Davy got the blame” Bill added.

“Yeah well Nina was the one who told me take it off before Mr. Shaw realised it was there” Davy defended.

“Nine was also the one who told Mr. Shaw you were tacky backing his chair in the first place” Miles said and I hit him on the arm.

“We agreed not to tell him” I glared as Davy looked horrified at the idea that I had dobbed on him.

“Wait” he frowned “Were you the one who snuck in at break and melted the tacky back with a hair dryer so it set really hard on the chair?”

“Well” I shrugged “Technically that was James and Bill’s idea”

“Hey, don’t bring me into this” Bill protested

“Plus, we weren’t the ones who poured chilli flakes in Mr. Shaw’s coffee during Davy’s detention” James added.

“That was Miles!” I shouted and the boys started laughing.

“I got an extra week of detention because of that” Davy glared at Miles who held up his hands innocently.

“What’s done is done” he said but smiled cheekily. I giggled at Davy’s expression but before he had the chance have a go at anyone else Bill accidently knocked my bag off of James’ knee and my drawing pad fell out, blowing away in the wind.

“Bloody hell” I sighed and ran after it, managing to catch it before it blew off the cliff edge “Got it” I held it up and looked at the boys who were casually standing around James’ cart while James took a swig of his morphine. Davy was standing on James’ left, holding on to the cart with Bill on James’ right by his beloved tree, also leaning on the cart, and Miles stood on his own with his hands behind his back. They all looked so calm and almost happy that I thought it was the perfect moment for a picture. I quickly pulled out my camera and took a sneaky shot of them.

“Hey!” Miles shouted when he realised I’d taken the picture “No pictures, we agreed” he started to run towards me and I giggled before taking off in the other direction.

“Catch me if you can” I taunted as he got closer.

“Get your toned arse back here Nine” Miles closed in and tackled me to the floor. I started hitting him in the chest with my drawing pad.

“Fuck off!” I grinned as he almost got the camera out of other my hand. I kneed him in the stomach, managing to roll out from under him and stand up before he recovered. I ran back towards James, Bill and Davy as Miles finally got to his feet and ran after me. I made it to the cart and rounded to other side. Miles was about to come running round to get me when James held out his walking stick and hit Miles in the knee.

“Better luck next time” James grinned. I giggled as Miles bent over his newly bruised injury.

“You know I don’t think I like it now you too have finally joined forces” he replied grudgingly. James’ grin faltered but I laughed it off to ease the tension “Can we just fucking go already?” Miles sighed making me laugh more. Still, i shrugged and we carried on walking, or sitting in James’ case, until we saw a quiet little village in the distance.

“Oh look, there’s White Bull” Bill suddenly looked surprised.

“I thought you said you knew where we were” I frowned and he grinned.

“Well, I do now”. White Bull is this amazing little village and every year they hold this medieval style festival and we always seem to go to Barafundle Bay whenever the festival is on…weird. Anyway, we decided to go and take a look, as always. After entering the festival’s entrance, we parked James’ cart next to a pub table and Miles went off to the toilet.

“Actually, I need it too” I said.

“Okay, I’ll get the drinks in” Bill informed us and walked over to the crowd. I asked him to get me a beer and he nodded.

“I’ll have a Guinness” James called but Davy rolled his eyes, going on about how morphine and alcohol aren’t a good mix. They’re not, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that James is going to die soon anyway so we might as well let him have some fun.

I followed Miles up to the bathrooms. He was about to go in the gents when I suddenly blurted

“Why don’t you want me here?”. It had been bothering me ever since we left and I felt like I deserved an answer. And, since we were finally alone, now seemed like the perfect time to get it. Miles sighed and stopped in the doorway.

“We’re not talking about it” he was referring to his feelings, something he’s always struggled with. I sighed back.

“Yes we are Miles, man up”. There was an awkward silence before he finally turned around to face me. Luckily, there was no-one around otherwise he would’ve bottled it.

“Because he’s dying Nina” he mumbled. I fake smiled a little.

“You haven’t called me that since we were sixteen”

“What? I’m finally saying what you want to hear and you’re making jokes?” Miles sounded slightly hurt.

“No, you’re the one who’s joking Miles” I stared back “You think I’m stupid? My best friend has cancer and he’s going to die, you think i don’t know that?”

“That’s the point!” he practically shouted “You do know. But you still agreed to look after him, you agreed to stay with him and watch him get more and more ill”

“Of course I did Miles! Why wouldn’t I?” I held my arms up.

“Because he’s dying” Miles said again, but it was louder than the first time “You had a whole year to decide whether or not you were ready to watch him go through that. He gave you the choice and you, being the stubborn arse that you are, chose to stay with him. And of course you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to come on the trip with us just so you could watch him suffer some more. Nina, you don’t deserve it”

“What do you mean, he gave me a choice?” I frowned, ignoring everything else he’d said.

“Don’t pretend like you’re clueless”

“Miles, what the fuck are you on about?” I sighed.

“Three years ago? When James was diagnosed? He told us all that we didn’t have to stay with him if we didn’t want to” Miles said obviously, like I already knew. I suddenly went a little dizzy.

“He was…diagnosed th…three years ago?” I whispered and Miles nodded.

“Yeah, he told you before it got serious so…oh my god” he stopped talking and his mouth dropped open.

“He told me two years ago. Not three”

“He said he had…oh Nine” Miles came up to me and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face in his neck, like I always do when I’m trying to stop tears “I’m sorry”

“Me too” I mumbled into his shoulder.

“For what?” Miles pulled away and frowned at me.

“Never mind” I shrugged, deciding I didn’t need the toilet anymore “I’ll meet you back with the others” I told him and began to walk off.

“Wait, Nine are you okay?” he called.

“I’ve been worse” I shrugged again. But the truth is, I haven’t.