Living In My Sister's Shadow [OHSHC]

Chapter 16

Author’s Note: Hey guys I’m so sorry that this story hasn’t been updated since September last year. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I hope to post more soon.

Warnings: triggers, talk of self-harm, some disturbing imagery, some fluff, Kyoya may be lightly ooc (I hope not but ya’ll can decide for yourself)

 “Kyoya” I called walking into the third music room located in Ouran academy; Winter break was finally over everyone was back at school. I was informed earlier today that the physical exams were going to take place the day after tomorrow and was explained how they were pretty public, something I couldn’t have.

“Yes Harou?” The dark haired boy turned to look at me with his charcoal colored eyes

“I have a request for the physical exams”

“And what would that be?” Kyoya quirked an eyebrow in curiosity

“I’d like a private room.” I decided to make my request blunt and get it over with. My hands were already getting clammy and I could feel my heart beating erratically in my tight chest.

“What?”

“I’d like a private room” I repeated quickly

“Why would you want a private room?” Kyoya tilted his head to the side in confusion, “I can’t fulfil your request unless I have a reason, even with my control over the doctors I can’t make commands simply as I please.”

‘No’ my mouth began to go dry with horror, “I- I can’t tell you why. I just need the room…”

“Harou, I told you, I need a reason to get you the room.” Taking a step back, tremors attacked my body and I couldn’t keep my vision straight, “Harou?” Kyoya asked in concern, “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“I… I can’t tell you” my voice was barely over a whisper as I continued to back away from the older teen. I couldn’t bear the thought of the inevitable rejection I would receive if my secret was out. “Please… Please don’t ask” I could practically feel the worry radiating off of Kyoya and he took a quick step forwards to grab my pale hand before I could retreat farther away, “Let go!” I cried in surprise as I felt the warm flesh touch my own, “Let me go!”

Trying to break Kyoya’s grip was near impossible as his grip practically crushed my hand from the forceful hold, “Tell me what’s wrong” Kyoya demanded, “Harou, tell me. You’re having a break down over the subject; you need to tell me so I can help”

“You can’t know!” I still tried to free myself from the shadow king, and still it remained futile, “You’ll reject me like everyone else! You won’t be different! Everyone’s the same! No one can help me!!”

“Why?!” The teen shouted back, matching my volume, but not the high shaky pitch that my voice has taken.

“Because I’ve already lost damn it!!” taking in quick breaths I tried to calm my escalating heart beat, “I’ve lost and there’s nothing anyone can do…” pain filled whimpers escaped from my throat as I glanced down at the bare inch of wrist that was shown from under my blue Ouran blazer. The pale exposed skin was sliced red from razors and knifes while old scars were reopened to renew the pain and suffering.

Kyoya who still held my hand captive followed my gaze and the dots seemed to all connect when his eyes fell upon red and white slashes. He remained silent as he let go of my hand. Brief understanding of the situation landed and he quietly asked, “Is there more?”

Without saying a word I nodded. Yes, there were more scars. More than I could properly count. My whole pathetic body was littered and no one ever noticed. Welds and gashes covered by long sleeves and jeans, the only skin accessible to the eyes was my face, and even that was an ugly mess. I was atrocious, I was horrendous, and I didn’t deserve them. I didn’t deserve anyone really. A waste of space and oxygen, I ruined people’s friendly moods with my self-pity. I don’t think I deserve to be loved. I messed things up in the end anyways so why even try in the first place?