Saving Sawyer | ✓

Chapter 16 | Your Heart's Like, Freaking Out

I know that a lot of you guys ignore the author's notes at the end of the chapters but this one is actually so important, so please read it. 

Chapter 16 | Your Heart's Like, Freaking Out

“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Don’t worry…you will someday.” ― American Beauty

On the morning of the very last day of 2013, I wake up really early (well, 8 o’clock, which isn’t really all that early at all but considering the fact that I’m on break, it’s pretty early) thanks to the dumb pre-set alarm on my iPhone that’s currently blasting Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds in my ear. One of the terms that Dr. Fontana had for granting me early release from that wretched psychiatric ward was that I had to show up for every single one of our sessions from here on out. 

He apparently called my mother last night to inform her of our little agreement and let’s just say that she was not too happy with him for having me released against her wishes. The two of them talked for a really long time though (about me, I assume) and eventually, I guess he got her to see his side. Anyway, they scheduled for me to come in and see him at 9 a.m., instead of around 4 o’clock-ish, which is when I usually go and see him. So, that’s the reason I’m up so early, so that I can go to this dumb session.

I sit up in my bed and then disable the alarm with a loud, tired sigh. I’m extremely tired because I didn’t get back home from my date with Graham until around 1:00 and then Aspen demanded that I tell her all about it, so that took a while and I didn’t get to sleep until like 3:00 this morning. I seriously consider just backing out on my promise to Dr. Fontana but then I decide not to because he didn’t have to get me released yesterday but he did anyway, so I should be a little bit grateful and keep up my end of the bargain.

Throwing back my covers, I get out of my bed and then make my way out of my bedroom, to the bathroom, where I quickly brush my teeth and wash my face before going downstairs. Like I said before, I am a self-proclaimed pig and I eat basically whenever I’m offered the opportunity, which is why I’m heading towards the kitchen, Honestly, I don’t know how I’m not the size of Russia—that’s how much junk food I eat. Before the Flynn thing though, I used to play volleyball and take dance classes, so I guess that probably had a positive effect on my metabolism or something.

Downstairs, I realize how quiet the house actually is, which is saying a lot because usually, this house is ridiculous noisy. I’m assuming my mom’s at work (she’s been going to work a lot earlier and coming home a lot later than usual, which is a little bit fishy and weird but I don’t really care enough to question it). I’m pretty sure Beckett is still asleep because whenever he doesn’t have class, he doesn’t get out of bed until around 1 in the afternoon. Then there’s Aspen, who is still staying with us, and I assume she’s sleep.

I walk into the kitchen and see the back of a person sitting down on the barstool and instantly, my heart starts racing and I nearly shout in surprise. I don’t though when I realize that it’s just Beckett’s dad. I know he’s my dad too but I prefer to address him as either ‘Tom’ or ‘Beckett’s dad’ because he’s really not a dad to me at all. I mean, biologically, he is my father but emotionally, he’s a stranger. I don’t even know what he’s doing here in the house though because I’m pretty sure my mom wouldn’t just let him move back in. I really want him to go away because he hates me and I hate him and my life is hard enough as it is. I don’t feel like dealing with him right now (or ever, actually) so I decide to just stop by Starbucks for breakfast on my way to Dr. Fontana’s. I turn and try to quietly tip-toe out of the kitchen but I’m guess I don’t do it quietly enough because he speaks.