Existing in Radiance

Chapter Forty-One | Hogwarts, July 2 1997

Chapter Forty-One

Hogwarts, July 2nd 1997

 

            A parade of black made its way to the black lake, were witches and wizards of all ages gathered to mourn the loss of the world’s greatest wizard. At the end of the line a small family walked, standing protectively around its center member.

Hazel moved slowly, the hem of her dress dragging on the ground. For once she did not care for blending in, didn’t try not to be seen – she was here for Albus Dumbledore, and would do as she pleased. A beacon of colour in the grim kaleidoscope of black and grey, her dress resembled a watercolour of the sunset; the bodice starting as a dove grey and moving through blue, then mauve and ending with a delicate pink. Hazel understood that Dumbledore would have disliked all the dark colours, appreciated her wearing his favourite time of day in his memory.

A veil was clipped to her hair, a delicate white feather hanging down her face. The veil was not only to hide her face but her tears – Hazel did not want the twins to see her crying.

Sonia strode behind her mother, dark curls swinging; her heels sunk into the soft grass, and a slight breeze blew the hem of her short black dress.

The ceremony was about to begin when she felt eyes on her back and turned, heat flooding her body and joy sending her heart beating frantically. Standing by the edge of the lake was the only person she wanted to see, smiling sadly and wearing a pair of sooty dress robes.

She stood slowly, her family barely noticing. Her tread was slow at first, but as the grief truly hit her Sonia ran to Charlie, letting him hold her close.

“I missed you.” She choked, clinging to his robes.

“I missed you more.” He whispered, stroking her hair slightly “I got the day off, all for you; my boss understood my reasoning.”

“What did you tell him?” breathing in his smell of woods and fire, Sonia felt her body relax against his.

“That my girlfriends grandfather had died and she needed me.”

Looking up at him, Sonia blinked in surprise “Girlfriend, eh?”

He chuckled “The word seems weird, I know. Are you okay with it though?”

Nodding fiercely, Sonia hugged him tighter. Charlie’s grip on her was strong, and she felt safe in his arms. “I’m very okay with it.”

            The sun was setting when Hazel could finally bring herself to leave Hogwarts. She had sat watching Dumbledore’s body burn for hours, listening to Fawkes sing and thinking about everything Albus had ever done for her.

He had saved her from a horrible life at the orphanage, but had thrust her into an evil world that had no light whatsoever. There was no doubt in Hazel’s heart that she had loved him like a father, but part of her could never forgive him for using a child in such a way.

Thinking back to the night so many years ago at seventeen years old, contemplating killing herself – but she had left the knife to gather dust for the sake of a faceless child. Another would take her place, she knew it was true – why subject another human being to her own personal hell?

“You gave me everything,” she whispered, pressing her hand to the cool marble “And you took it all away. I know your games won’t end with your death, but they will eventually – I hope you are at peace.”

Standing, Hazel left the burning grave for home.

A/N: I want to clear something up quickly, before I ask a question. I got some quite strong opinions on the last chapter, which I love, but I only want to say that even though I write something, doesn't mean I believe it.

Sonia thinks her mother is maybe mad, whatever her definition of mad may be, but that doesn't mean I also think Hazel is 'crazy'. I personally wrote Hazel as mentally ill, and someone in the last chapter said they thought Hazel had psychotic depression, someone else said PTSD. Both I agree with, though I haven't done extensive research on either.

Hazel is a damaged human being with a very troubled and dark past that has left her broken - but she is more than that. She is a loving friend and mother, a lierate woman who enjoys reading and listening to her good friend play the piano. She is more than the dementia or whatever you want to call it that consums her, more than just a woman who was used by a man. I feel that maybe thats what people see this whole series about - Severus' betrayal - but its not. It's about the life of a little girl as she grows and becomes her own self and learns about love and loss, about being a mother and facing her fears. She makes mistakes and loves and reads and cries - she's only human.

Anyway, I felt the need to have a little chat about that. 

Question: Thoughts on everything I said up above, and what Hazel said to Dumbledore's grave? “You gave me everything, and you took it all away. I know your games won’t end with your death, but they will eventually – I hope you are at peace.”

Rose<3